TrampoliNe

I really feel as if I am swinging on trampoline. But neither did I choose it nor I am happy with it.

whenever I get up high and my mood shifts up, I get down with all the strength. First, I was experienced with many shocks, due to these extreme feelings that I used to have, but these days, this is not happening because I am a moody changeble character, but it happens due to some surrounding circumstances that affects me hardly and deeply.

I am very tired, I stopped reacting to any event that's happening... I got bored ... or no it's not being bored... may be because whenever I am happy... I know that this is a temp state... and whenever I am sad this also is a temp... according to the Quote that says: "This also will pass".

I know that this is life... full of ups and downs... but the point is that... this happens with a very high frequency to the extent that I don't've the time to be comforted with my happiness or to experience my sadness...so what's happening now is that I am not affected.... or let me say it accurately... I am HARDLY affected (hard for being rare, and Hard On me As well)

Tired Tired Tired
I want to get out of this trampoline...can I ? would that happen and when ?

"3ayzna nerga3 zay Zaman...."

That's the song sang by Om Kalthoum...
I now feel it so much..
it's very true in the Human Relationships, it's easily affected by any change.
It happens when we meet someone that it's never the same, although the relationship is there... but if for example you meet with a less frequency... or anything... you still love and care for each others... but never as before... because simply the current circumstances differ than those that used to be before... very complicated are the Human Relationships... needs a very high maintenance... but who can afford it... it's precious feelings... but sometimes we just become careless and it's never the same

I don't want to seem pessimistic... because there are other relations that grow no matter what the circumstances are... but they are very rare or let me say that these are just exceptions.

Weird ME

Why do I act like this ?
Why do I deeply want to do something and involuntary act the opposite way?
Why do I reject the act I am doing at the time of doing it... but stop still, and make nothing of what I think should be done instead ?
Why do I complicate it while it's just very easy?
Why do I think a lot ?
Why do I make it hard on myself?

Everytime I say I'll change... take it easy... just be YOU... but why at these moments I just feel a mask is sticked on my face by force... I try hardly to take it off... but I just fail to.

And when it passes, I then begin thinking and thinking and thinking... how could I make over for this... but I guess it's never the same, at least for me because I keep on judging myself for the action that SHOULD have been done... but I wasn't able to... and this dilemma never reaches to an end... plus.. making over is MADE while the original one would have been natural and nicer... :S

very weird... I know all that... but just can't help myself

What is it like ?

That's was the question that I was seeking its answer the past couple of days.

now I knew

I was telling myself that I will be happy with it anyways, at least I've it, although not in the way that suddenly popped out in my mind. Really I am not upset... as I felt that it's gonna be like this, but I hoped what I faked was true.

Let's try to live the reality, and stop dreaming...so as not to weap on an un-fulfilled dream, and enjoy the current state.

I appreciate that part of my life so much, I hope I can keep it forever and even work on making it deeper and more preciuos.