After the chain of shocks that I've been experiencing from some of the closest people to me the previous period.
And after I took my time to weep and cry and everything to understand what's happening. I felt a change in me, I felt it strongly yesterday... which I am afraid to say that I know it's a very serious change that I am not very happy with it, but I think that it will protect me from being involved in any emotional shock.
The good dead is inside me, and it comes to my mind but a sound inside me comes out and say, NO, Don't give anyone any more care or anything Good, as at the end these people hurt you badly. and after a struggle inside me between the initial good intension and the second that hinders it, I end up doing a moderate action that I am not totally satisfied with, and that is much more less than the feeling that was initially inside me but the fear of being hurted by people again drives me these days.
I am not happy with that, because, I used to do the initial deeds because I enjoy doing them and enjoy giving all the care and love, I want nothing in return, but what I discovered from the practical life is that NO, I DO NEED U TO CARE FOR ME BACK and in the same level.
I want the old me back, but I am afraid that it will be hurted again, I am too fragile inside, and am not able to bear anything unexpected from the unexpected people...
Confused So much... and am not happy with the change....
How would I end up be like, I don't know...
Also, I miss these people who caused me the hurt and pain a lot as I love them, and I couldn't love them less... but I am not able to initiate the communication with them again.. why don't they start,,, don't they miss me as I do...
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