TEN... Part I

There, on a beautiful lake, that has a very clear water, and a very freshening air. Lives Ibrahim's small family the carpenter of the town who's at the age of 38, his wife Sarah who is 27 years old who used that sews clothes to her neighbors , and their daughter Mariam who was at the age of 10.
It was by the end of the spring, and the begining of the summer, when Mariam was playing infront of the house with her bicycle she heard her mum screaming and when she run into the house to see what's up with her mum. She founds her father helping her to get and go to the car.

A couple of days afterwards, returns Ibrahim, Sarah and Mariam with the new family member Adam.
Adam didn't show any special interest to any of his small family members, except for Mariam his sister, ok he calms down and feels safe in his parents arms... but the only one whom Adam follows by his eyes was his elder sister Mariam.
After the first BD to Mariam that Adam celebrated with them. Adam began not to have that special interest in his sister any more.
Adam began not to play with his sister whatever her trials was, only when she nudges him to let him laugh, he laughs but keep wondering around as if trying to find who's playing with him.
His family began to get worried, his mother was sad that her child never notices her, as any child of his age does, and the same for the confused father, and especially after the period he stopped following his sister with her eyes and smiling and waving to her became long.
They began suspecting his vision, and after some investigations, they knew that he can see quite well.
And here their wonder bego grow more and more

A Solitary walk

Gayale ana 7alet ra3'y mesh tabe3ya.. 7assa zay ma yekooN 7ad raKeb radio f dma3'y w 3amla ba2a 7awadeet abla fadeela sha3'ala fou2.. fa 2olt agy aktebha heNa badal ma atGanen ya3ni.. omal el wa7ed 3amel bloG leih ?

by2olek eih ba2a ya setty .. el share3 kan hady keda w gameel.. el wa2t kan ba3d el 3asr b shewya w el bent kanet bet3ady el share3 w ma3aha shanta cross beige keda.. wel share3 kan feih nas rakba 3agal.. wel ard nedeeefa awi,.. w 3allamat el merooor elly fel ard loonha abyad nase3 keda wel air is very fresh... 3adet el bent el share3.. and she had a long walk by the side of the sea.. 3al corniche ya3ni.. w heya mashya ba2a kanet 7atta el mp3 player in her ears and listening to her best songs... the playlist she prepared carefully the night before

she was listening happily and every song in that carefully selected playlist touches a part of her and makes her think about her life. A sad song followed by a happy one followed by one of the best songs she used to listen to when she was a child. All her dear people were invited in her mind in that solitary walk... she remembered those whom life has separated her from them for good.. and a warm tear dropped down on her cold cheeks from the air around... and then her sweet memories made her smile.. and her childish memories remembered her of the child inside her that she never tries to hide because childhood means purity to her.. and that was a great value that she cherishes...she's happy that this part of her was kept safe from the effects of life and people.

She sat down to have a break... and to let her mind be fully dedicated to daydreaming and nothing else. she imagined the call she's always waiting for.. and she imagined every single detail of that converation.. she fiinished the call. and was back on earth... after that mind trip.

Suddenly she realized that it became darker around.. and that night had came.. she looked to her watch.. and remembered her train that is going to leave shortly.
On her way back.. she refused to think about her busy day at work tomorrow... she postponed remembering her never ending to- do lists.. And she just paused her mind on the time she had by the sea...

Hallucination

Fag2a keda 7asset eny 3aYza a7'araf... Gale e7sas 7ad byfou2 mn el beng w lessa 7'areg mn 2ooodet el 3amayat.. although I've never been through it el 7amdu lellah... bas I feel like hallucinating awi... 3ayza a2ool kalam maloosh 3elaka b ba3do.. mesh 3ayza atkalem fe 7aga 3alla ba3daha...
YALLA ONE... TWO .. THREE

• YOUh YOUH howa fe 7ad enahrda byfteker ?
• 7'allas ba2et 3ada ya 7abeeby.. w edala3t b zeyada
• Suspense
• close ur eyes, hold ur nose and JUMP
• eshme3Na ya3ni ?
• KoLaho baZenJaN
• nefsy a3raf howa leih maynfa3sh
• yalla press the button
• aiwa.. ana 3ayza a3'yar el wad3... I'm willing to be the pioneer... bas ya tarra hab2a mabsoota keda???
• 3aYza afhaM...
• Kan fe ZamaN walad rasSam... bas howa meen elly 2al 3alleih rasaM.. el nas elly shafet el rasma?!.. may be howa 2a3ad yekno3hom en rasmo 7elw.. w howa rasmo 3ady asLaN
• ana ektashaft en 7atta law 2omnyet 7ayaty et7a2a3et w even once in a life time I could read somebody's mind.. once mesh hateb2a kefaya.. 3ashan kol shewya ha2ool.. ma momken tekoon fe 7aga 7assalet wel ra2y da et3'ayar
• wel 3aTaba gaZaZ wel Selem naYlOo fe naylooo
• el wDooOo7.. please
• 3'aLta maTba3ya
• ma3Rafsh ana Bona2aN 3alla eih
• amma neshouf
• 7aSby ALLAH w ne3m el wakeeL
• Ana 3aYza aSafer.. 3aYza ashouf el ba7r... nefsy akalemo keda..
• taDooOk sa3at Zabt el wakt
• eih da.. ezZai keda ?
• SEDDO w ESTAREEE7
• 3ayZa anZel amshi 7awaleen Sooor el koleya el 7arbya
• leih la2a ?
• Sponteneous.. Fresh.. Free.. monta3eesha.. el donya sob7.. w batmasha
• shewayet self control w kolo hayeb2a fel tamaM.. bas ya3ni howa eih el limit... ya3ni ma howa ana law kol 7aga 7atetlaha rules w plan w keda hat2eleb l machine.. hab2a sab3awy tamaNyawy taha
• ma heya kol 7aga leeha mezetha w 3eeBha
• Today we'll opem cafe cheenOoOo
• 3ayZa atfasa7 ba2a .. wa atbest fel fos7a deih..
• BoDO BoDo wa7ashNy awi.. 3ayZa al3ab ma3ah w ashoufu ba2a
• RanDomiZe
• yeMken eZ3al marra menaK .. laKen ew3a tfaKer enaK.. mn ...
• 3ayZa a2oool. eno el nas el open minded deih nas meya meya .. bas ta3baneen leih ba2a ? 3ashan homma by7taremo w bysma3o weghet nazar el nas el tanya w byfakarOoO feiha.. da gaz2hOom ya3ni ?
• mesh hageeb ana kotob human developement tany 3alla fekra.. kolohom by2olo nafs el kalam bas from different prespectives..
• 3aM chaK cHak...w bOogy w taMtaM fe RamadaN.. walla el niNja Turtles a7la.. "Haya ya RefaK"
• kona wa2feeen ba2a fe el balakooOna ana w amira beleil fel aGaZa
• KathOra el 7adeeThoOo mn elaTy ahwaha
• AftOkaLayZa
• Kanet 7elwa awi el marra deih,... 3'eir kol el marat......el marat el tanya

Childish memories =)

I've been thinking about what the games that I used to play when I was young...and I found that they weren't little, here's what I remember of my list:

1. Tika 3al 3alli w tikka 3al waty
2. Black shoes
3. 2ooola
4. 7'atooWet el arNab wel Namla wel 7aGat deih
5. un deux troies soliel
6. el baraya
7. autobus complete
8. Bingo
9. sayaDeeN el samaK
10. eL kalB el 7ayraN
11. AflaM/ BdoooN kalaM
12. KahraBa
13. Osto3'maya
14. taMaseel esKenDrya
15. RoSiee RoSaaH (I am not sure of the spelling)
16. el ta3laB fat
17. el ManDeeeL
18. el 2ota el 3aMya
19. el Ouda el Dalma/ el 3aFareeet (H)
20. TaC taC meeN 3aL baB... ana el deeB.. 3ayeZ eih... 3aYez beeeDa... Lonha eih .............
21. HolaHob
22. chess
23. cards (kent, sando2, kooomy, koNkaN, el shayeeb)
24. DomaNo
25. connect 4
26. Nat el 7aBl

da 3'eir el le3ab elly malhash esm ba2a:

- ta2leeef ay 7aga w tamseelha

- ne7ot ana w bent 7'alty el telephone 3al maktab w karasy w akeenena a secretary

- many paper games

Activities:

- Drawing with clay on on a white cement (maseees)

- using monshar arket ... to make disney shape medals

mesh 3arfa eih monasbet el 7agat deih.. bas ana fre7t enohom gom 3alla balee...

da 3'eir maged w fedoooly w moooza el 7abooba...

mickey, super mickey and mickey geeeb

w el maktaba el 7'adraa2

Flash w farafeeesh

w lamma kebert shewaya... ragol el mosta7eel w malaf el mosta2baL... I love these days awiii

and I just became in a good mood while recalling them =)

Process has UNEXPECTDLY been terminated

That's exactly what had happened, and I dun know if I've done anything wrong or if I've violated any of the rules.
It kept fading and coming back, just like a fluorescent lamp that is trying to light but it can't and suddenly everything has been gone in the darkness.
And what's puzzling me really, is that this process is still on the top of the list of the processes that are utilizing most of the memory.I can't kill it without knowing why it stopped responding, I hate ambiguities and I can't kill it while I dun know why it behaved that way.
But on the other hand... is it logical to keep it alive, and waste these memory resources?!!
Or to keep it not responding, may be it's doing something in the background that I am not aware of, and after being busy doing that job, it will resume responding to the users requests.
I am really thinking about the right decision in that issue. What is the best practice in that problem.
I wish I knew the answer

Process has UNEXPECTDLY been terminated

Change the Channel - Honest and kind people are around

Today, I was talking with some of my friends, and the conversation went to a point when I recalled some experiences that I went through, and the same behavior was in all the people that was in these experiences , and who made it a special thing to remember.

First thing, is that once it was in the feast, and I went with my family to magic land at sixth of october, and a back bag was with me, and while playing one of the games there, I thought that I left the bag with one of my family members, but she didn't notice, and then I discovered that it's lost, I kept searching every where, asked the security and the care men, but all was in vain, as I didn't find it, and I went home very depressed and kept crying as the bag was very precious to me, it's my mother who bought it to me and that was why it's very precious, not because of what it contained, not becasue it contained a big amount of money as we were in the feast or anything, just because of who'd bought it to me. And the security men gave me their number and asked me to call next day, to check may be it'll be found. And the next day I called but I was very desparate, and I called just to do my part to the end, and to my surprise, I knew that someone found it and left his phone number so that he may be sure that I took it myself, and I was flying from happiness thanks to this honest man I got back my precious bag.

Another thing, is that once I forgot my mobile in a taxi, and simply on calling my number, the driver answered, and he got the mobile back to me at home, and refused to take anything as he considered that his duty, and he only made that so that God may bless him and his children.

Another thing is, from a few months, my uncle passed away, and in that mood, i wasn't concentrating, to the extent that I dropped my WHOLE bag, and then my wallet had a business card of one of my friends, those who found the bag called her, and gave her their number, and Icalled them and they were in a class in a near by center, they were thanawya amma students, and they got me the bag home with all the important things inside , and without getting anything in return other than appreciation and a thank you.

Really, having these people and others of the same kind make me optimistic about our society, and that el donya lessa b 7'eir :)

Turning the Page

It's the time, when I'm revising what I've written in this page, what I've done in this period of my life.
First, I would like to say that it's a very special page, a page that I was looking forward to reach to, and whether I enjoyed it or not, was it as I was expecting or not, that's not the issue.
I've got very special lines in this page, that are written in my heart and my mind, to me are very unique and very special, I would be always recalling that page and always keeping it opened infront of me.
I dun like all what's written in this page though, and that's why I had to turn it and open a new blank one.
I wonder what will be written in that blank page I'm looking forward to. First thing about this page, is that it's "New", "Blank", "Will not have my old special lines" other than that I dun know anything.

I dun know what to call it ?!

Stranger... may be ... Lonely may be as well... I am really not sure.

But I can feel it, and I can describe it accurately as I feel it, which is feeling as if I lost the mean of commuincation, between me and people... Yes it's that word "Disconnected"...

I may be sitting among them... but I feel myslef too far from them... I dun know the reason behind it... but as it appeared to be a recurring problem.. so I've a good reason for doubting myself... am I changed... or that is the old feeling that I was used to, and the change is that familiar feelings I had in between those days and the old ones...

I recalled something now, I've caught myself telling more than once a couple of days ago... that there is deep inside me a lot of feelings out of some problems I am currently having... but it's just me tryin not to get them to the surface... as I dun want to see them infront of me...I am trying to ignore them... but in that trial... it appears MAY BE (I am not sure).. that I've been disconnected from myself as well... upon my trial to disconnect from my problems... and that's the reason of me being disconnected as well from the others...

That fragile me ... returned back ... But it's not its time at all... how comes that I feel that fragile.. when I need all the strength...IS that because... I ACTED the role of the strong girl... at the begining of the problems...

I really dun know

All what I know is that I need to get rid of this collection of feelings

Meeting with my Old me

Today I went finally to an event, that I've awaited from a long time. Long is very relative her, as will appear from my story:
I've been bloging from more than 3 years now, I wasnt't that active blogger all the time... but I like that part of me so much.

And through blogging I got to know some other Blogs, from the Blogroll of my friends, and I got attraced to "Nerro's" Blog, till I find the Topic talking about the Birth of Our "BCATC"... I dun know if I can Say "Our" aslan walla la2a... bas I love it regardless of being an active member or not...AH :D ... I forget to say that "BCATC" stands for "Book Club Around the Corner"...A group keda for Book Lovers :D I am not sure I know all the activities or not, bas What I went through since joining is Selecting a Book of the Month and read it and then discuss it by some mean or another...

It was clear that most of the members know eachother, and I was the only one ta2reban that they dun know about, so I wanted to get friends with them... and was waiting for some gathering to meet them... as I didn't have that chance before to meet my net friends... in the real life... and was anxious to that experience awy...

And ... so in the first event that I was able to attenad "Story Telling: Alice in Wonderland", and this was a suggested book to read on the group, so I was very enthusiastic to attend the event by all means, for so many reasons. Especially, that I was in the mood of I need to devote some time, to an activity that would make me happy.

AND I WENT... although eny dayman bafakar w bas... el tanfeez 3andy.. mesh dayman by7sal... but it happened.. although I was waiting for some friend to come with me, but she didn't and I went with another friend... I was so worried ... the same worry whenever anyone comes with me to anywhere, because I feel they are my hosts, and I am responsible for making them happy, or either may consouis hurts me.

Anyways... I ARRIVED... and I was so nervous, I no nobody... how will it be like, I entered the Bookstore, began inspecting all the visitors, rather than the books, and especially those who weren't alone were more vulnerable to my suspecious that they are the BCATC members.
My Friend told me .. ask... about the event... and I said no.. I'll know it myself.. nut when sometime passed... I was afraid to be late ... so I went to the Officer of the BookStore and asked her, and she told me yea "It's there in the kids area"... and I thanked her and returned to my friend.
Then we went to the Kids area, and I stood speachless, untill they welcomed me and myfriend to the event and told us that they were going to start after a while... to give some space for late people...and then when we went back to go through the books... one of the Girls followed me.. and called me by name.. I was so happy for that Initiative from her...She's one of the members, whom I added her on FB as she's sending a Confirmation msg to the event ... and we've common friends...
Finally... the Event started... I liked it soo much, I liked the people so much also, I liked there success, I loved and apprciated the scentece in which they said "Welcome to the event number 292... as we've been working from six years"... I was like.. what Successful people and Persistent about what they want... this was another group related some how to owr club... But I didn't get to know about it before... I liked the cartoon, I liked so much the girls who acted, specially ALice.

But FOCUSING ON ME... I was waiting for one of my missions which made me go to this event, which is to know the people...
I was waiting to a time in which we may be introduced to each others whether in the begining or at the end... but this didn't happen... to let me know my real self..
I may admit... that I've returned many years backward... and I lost all my communication skills...I didn't try to get to know anyone...although I was wishing to do so... but I didin't :(
I just said GoodBye, to the girl who called me by my name and left...
And that's the old version of me is coming all over again...

But anyway... I liked the experience :)

Life Time Player

Today was one of the days, that I wished I was able to stop the time, really time was running, and I had a lot of stuff to do.

And While I was listening to something in my head phones, I opened the player, to pause what I was listening to, and then I thought of the Bless we've in such players (Pause, Play, Fast Forward, Play Back, Stop, Continous Play, and now poped out to my mind, the "Randomize List", as it's one of my favorite options in any audio player )

I thought what if we've the same Buttons and facilities in our life.

"Pause"

======

- How many times, I've been in rush to do something, and I wished I could stop the time?

- How many times, I've been sitting with a close friend, or a person whom I love and miss a lot, but it's "Time" to leave after a while, and I wished to pause and keep the state of us being

together?

"Play"

====

I think that's what our life is all about, each of us is playing her/ his own unique melody in life, hopefully unique, and hopefully we play it well and enjoy it, How many song U've added to your playlist, and once it's that songs turn to play, u dun feel like hearing it, I think this may resemble our wrong choices and decisions in life, but is it that easy in real life, to just drop that song and everything's ok, or we've sometimes to listen to that song, and bear our own choices in life ?

"Fast Forward"

============

If I've that option in my real life, I'd for sure, have fast forwarded all my bad times, and suffering, and jumped to the point of my happiness after that suffering and pain. But would that happiness taste the same ? I dun know.

Also, if I've that option, I wouldn't wait for anything, as I like to know the results and the consequences of actions.

Play Back

=======

I would have played back every happy moment in my life, everytime I've spent with a dear person, whom I can't have in my life anymore. But would have that prevented me from spending my time in some other sort of happiness, which may bring me even more pleasure, than my oldies ? I dun know...

(I'll playback only, not repeat the real event, I'll just live in my 3D Awaken Dream, it;s not about taking the time machine to the future or to the past, because I may be carrying some wisdom from the future, and like this I may not live the old feeling when I used to be less wise and lacking some knowledge )

Randomize list

==========

would have been one of my favorites, to break the daily routine, I am the one who loves surprises sooooooooooooooooo much, and I hate routine to the hightest extent.

So I wish that a day I go to work at night, the other I go in the morning, anything, anything that would break the routine, and being a surprises lover, I like that option in Audio players, as although I've choosen the collection and prepared the playlist, but I like alternating between moods, and not knowing "what 's coming next", I know life do that job for us sometimes, and that's why w e never ever know what's next, it never fails to surprise us, but I just wish that they are good ones.

Confidence

I hate those people who are dectatores, or doesn't think about other people, and only does what they belive is right and choose what they think is suitable, even if that choice isn't only theirs, there are other people invloved that they shouldn't ignore.

And I belive that being afraid to be one of those people affects my decision making sometimes. When I am in charge of something that has many people involved, it gets very hard to compromise between them, and to get up with a decision that satisfies all the involved parties.

The Problem with me is that I OVER RESPECT the others' point of view. I should only listen, but not every thought should be taken into consideration. I should filter, but filtering itself is a decision, as I may put aside the most valid point.

Really, it;s very confusing.

But What happens is that I became a "Thoughts Collector", I begin saying, X and Y see that we must go to the right because of such and such, But A and B say that the left direction is safer.

I am not that naive person that can't distinguish or judge, but there are some situations that are very confusing. and It doesn't affect me, but affect someone else.

I still feel that I can't ignore others opinions..... does that mean that I'll be hesitent all the time and forever ?