Wondering

While working and listening to "Mesh Faraa Maay" by fayrooz ... I wondered does it not really matter ?!!!

I know it's not true... and it does matter. But, I am just convincing myself with the opposite .. and I know I am not successful in that brainwashing task I am doing to myslef especially after that dream that I had today .. I dreamt with you, and I was very upset when I woke up and find that it was just a dream.

Childish memories =)

I've been thinking about what the games that I used to play when I was young...and I found that they weren't little, here's what I remember of my list:

1. Tika 3al 3alli w tikka 3al waty
2. Black shoes
3. 2ooola
4. 7'atooWet el arNab wel Namla wel 7aGat deih
5. un deux troies soliel
6. el baraya
7. autobus complete
8. Bingo
9. sayaDeeN el samaK
10. eL kalB el 7ayraN
11. AflaM/ BdoooN kalaM
12. KahraBa
13. Osto3'maya
14. taMaseel esKenDrya
15. RoSiee RoSaaH (I am not sure of the spelling)
16. el ta3laB fat
17. el ManDeeeL
18. el 2ota el 3aMya
19. el Ouda el Dalma/ el 3aFareeet (H)
20. TaC taC meeN 3aL baB... ana el deeB.. 3ayeZ eih... 3aYez beeeDa... Lonha eih .............
21. HolaHob
22. chess
23. cards (kent, sando2, kooomy, koNkaN, el shayeeb)
24. DomaNo
25. connect 4
26. Nat el 7aBl

da 3'eir el le3ab elly malhash esm ba2a:

- ta2leeef ay 7aga w tamseelha

- ne7ot ana w bent 7'alty el telephone 3al maktab w karasy w akeenena a secretary

- many paper games

Activities:

- Drawing with clay on on a white cement (maseees)

- using monshar arket ... to make disney shape medals

mesh 3arfa eih monasbet el 7agat deih.. bas ana fre7t enohom gom 3alla balee...

da 3'eir maged w fedoooly w moooza el 7abooba...

mickey, super mickey and mickey geeeb

w el maktaba el 7'adraa2

Flash w farafeeesh

w lamma kebert shewaya... ragol el mosta7eel w malaf el mosta2baL... I love these days awiii

and I just became in a good mood while recalling them =)

Change the Channel - Honest and kind people are around

Today, I was talking with some of my friends, and the conversation went to a point when I recalled some experiences that I went through, and the same behavior was in all the people that was in these experiences , and who made it a special thing to remember.

First thing, is that once it was in the feast, and I went with my family to magic land at sixth of october, and a back bag was with me, and while playing one of the games there, I thought that I left the bag with one of my family members, but she didn't notice, and then I discovered that it's lost, I kept searching every where, asked the security and the care men, but all was in vain, as I didn't find it, and I went home very depressed and kept crying as the bag was very precious to me, it's my mother who bought it to me and that was why it's very precious, not because of what it contained, not becasue it contained a big amount of money as we were in the feast or anything, just because of who'd bought it to me. And the security men gave me their number and asked me to call next day, to check may be it'll be found. And the next day I called but I was very desparate, and I called just to do my part to the end, and to my surprise, I knew that someone found it and left his phone number so that he may be sure that I took it myself, and I was flying from happiness thanks to this honest man I got back my precious bag.

Another thing, is that once I forgot my mobile in a taxi, and simply on calling my number, the driver answered, and he got the mobile back to me at home, and refused to take anything as he considered that his duty, and he only made that so that God may bless him and his children.

Another thing is, from a few months, my uncle passed away, and in that mood, i wasn't concentrating, to the extent that I dropped my WHOLE bag, and then my wallet had a business card of one of my friends, those who found the bag called her, and gave her their number, and Icalled them and they were in a class in a near by center, they were thanawya amma students, and they got me the bag home with all the important things inside , and without getting anything in return other than appreciation and a thank you.

Really, having these people and others of the same kind make me optimistic about our society, and that el donya lessa b 7'eir :)

Turning the Page

It's the time, when I'm revising what I've written in this page, what I've done in this period of my life.
First, I would like to say that it's a very special page, a page that I was looking forward to reach to, and whether I enjoyed it or not, was it as I was expecting or not, that's not the issue.
I've got very special lines in this page, that are written in my heart and my mind, to me are very unique and very special, I would be always recalling that page and always keeping it opened infront of me.
I dun like all what's written in this page though, and that's why I had to turn it and open a new blank one.
I wonder what will be written in that blank page I'm looking forward to. First thing about this page, is that it's "New", "Blank", "Will not have my old special lines" other than that I dun know anything.

Meeting with my Old me

Today I went finally to an event, that I've awaited from a long time. Long is very relative her, as will appear from my story:
I've been bloging from more than 3 years now, I wasnt't that active blogger all the time... but I like that part of me so much.

And through blogging I got to know some other Blogs, from the Blogroll of my friends, and I got attraced to "Nerro's" Blog, till I find the Topic talking about the Birth of Our "BCATC"... I dun know if I can Say "Our" aslan walla la2a... bas I love it regardless of being an active member or not...AH :D ... I forget to say that "BCATC" stands for "Book Club Around the Corner"...A group keda for Book Lovers :D I am not sure I know all the activities or not, bas What I went through since joining is Selecting a Book of the Month and read it and then discuss it by some mean or another...

It was clear that most of the members know eachother, and I was the only one ta2reban that they dun know about, so I wanted to get friends with them... and was waiting for some gathering to meet them... as I didn't have that chance before to meet my net friends... in the real life... and was anxious to that experience awy...

And ... so in the first event that I was able to attenad "Story Telling: Alice in Wonderland", and this was a suggested book to read on the group, so I was very enthusiastic to attend the event by all means, for so many reasons. Especially, that I was in the mood of I need to devote some time, to an activity that would make me happy.

AND I WENT... although eny dayman bafakar w bas... el tanfeez 3andy.. mesh dayman by7sal... but it happened.. although I was waiting for some friend to come with me, but she didn't and I went with another friend... I was so worried ... the same worry whenever anyone comes with me to anywhere, because I feel they are my hosts, and I am responsible for making them happy, or either may consouis hurts me.

Anyways... I ARRIVED... and I was so nervous, I no nobody... how will it be like, I entered the Bookstore, began inspecting all the visitors, rather than the books, and especially those who weren't alone were more vulnerable to my suspecious that they are the BCATC members.
My Friend told me .. ask... about the event... and I said no.. I'll know it myself.. nut when sometime passed... I was afraid to be late ... so I went to the Officer of the BookStore and asked her, and she told me yea "It's there in the kids area"... and I thanked her and returned to my friend.
Then we went to the Kids area, and I stood speachless, untill they welcomed me and myfriend to the event and told us that they were going to start after a while... to give some space for late people...and then when we went back to go through the books... one of the Girls followed me.. and called me by name.. I was so happy for that Initiative from her...She's one of the members, whom I added her on FB as she's sending a Confirmation msg to the event ... and we've common friends...
Finally... the Event started... I liked it soo much, I liked the people so much also, I liked there success, I loved and apprciated the scentece in which they said "Welcome to the event number 292... as we've been working from six years"... I was like.. what Successful people and Persistent about what they want... this was another group related some how to owr club... But I didn't get to know about it before... I liked the cartoon, I liked so much the girls who acted, specially ALice.

But FOCUSING ON ME... I was waiting for one of my missions which made me go to this event, which is to know the people...
I was waiting to a time in which we may be introduced to each others whether in the begining or at the end... but this didn't happen... to let me know my real self..
I may admit... that I've returned many years backward... and I lost all my communication skills...I didn't try to get to know anyone...although I was wishing to do so... but I didin't :(
I just said GoodBye, to the girl who called me by my name and left...
And that's the old version of me is coming all over again...

But anyway... I liked the experience :)

I Love U ALL...

Today, was a very remarkable day, that I will never forget, as far as I know myself. It was my last day in the first company, and the first job. I've put a fullstop and ended the first sentence in my career.

But the most important to me, is the people, as I love them a lot, I was really indirectly forced to leave my dear friends, and the friendly, loving environmet that I was enjoying a lot.

Anyway, It's life "C 'est La Vie", But ISA, we will be always connected.

I was really happy today, as I saw all the team in my Farewell, that team that is used to be here and there, at the Customer's site, finishing some tasks. But we were all gathered today, especially HH who was on a vacation and it was broken, MH who is outsourced, but to my good luck, he came today, Also TA who had training outside, came after he finished. I was happy for seeing them all Around, Although I was missing my elder brothers but they are out of the country, so it wasn't in their hand at all to come :)

Now, I have a very strange confusing feeling. My mind still not figuring out, that it's really the last day and it's over. My mind keep on saying, did a year and 3 months passed like this? did I finish my 1 month notice that quick? still can't believe .... Shall I be joining the company I've been dreaming of after only 2 more days?

And then the idea that nothing in the world is perfect jumbs into my mind... I feel that it's very true.

I wish that we will be always connected, and our relation get deeper and deeper.

You will be always with me and inside my heart :))... Love U ALL

Feelings...Feelings and Feelings Again :'(

Yesterday, was a day that I've been dreaming with, since I have been in college. The day that I go to that company and pass through the interviews successfully.

The couple of days before yesterday, I've made a lot of prayers and asked people to pray that I would be accepted and join that comapny, and what made me very sticky is that I was very upset from my current job.

Anyways, Yesterday I went to the company and went through the recruitement process, there were a lot of people there waiting to be interviewed, I was a little worried when I saw this large number, but had a faith in God that He would help me, and to my astonishment, I found myself passing from an interview to the other and when entering each I was feeling that this would be the last and I won't pass to the next till I found myself in the last one Hearing "Congrats", and took the offer.

I was veryyyyyyyy happy then, but in my way back home, I passed by my current company an remembered that these few coming days would be the End of my days in that comapny, which although I was really upset from and suffering from its management but I LOVE IT, yes I do :S, then my feelings began to go to the other extreme and became very sad for the thought of leaving the company, the people and everything there that I love deeply :'( , really deeply.

Then arriving home, I called my friend sue and told here that I've been accepted there, she was GREATLYYY affected by these news, and she ended the call immediately excusing me and telling me that she's not able to talk anymore. Then I called my friend DODO, in hope that she would be in a better status and would react in a way that may lift my mood up. But, her reaction wasn't better than that of Sue by any mean, and she kept saying, "is it sure?" and also ended the call immediately.

After these 2 phone calls that mode that began when I passed by the compay's premises became more and more stronger, but I was shy from God to be sad and cry instead of thanking him for his help and support to me, I felt a very strange feeling that I didn't experience before, I felt as if my heart was divided into 2 zones, one that is happy for what God have given me and the other is very sad for my departure.

I was in a very strange bad mood, I called a friend of us that was with us in the company but left from about 5 or 6 months and told her everything, on hearingher voice in the phone I burst into tears, at the beginig she thought that I was rejected in the interview, but when she heard the complete story from me she tried her best to calm me down, and she succeded partially, but still I wasn't ok, I sent a msg to Sue, and DODO just saying "Sorry", I couldn't tell more than that, then I recieved a call from DODO, she was partially fine at the beginig of the call, then we ended the call each of us crying.

And today at work also, it was a day full of ups and downs in our moods, but generally, it was better than I was expecting thank God.

I am really, going to miss my friends, colleagues, team, Really I am going to miss them all...I can't imagine not saluting them in the early morning and the chit chats, that we used to have through the day, praying with each others, taking the break, sitting in the balacon together, making the Nescafe, and also walking to the main street from the company every day.... I will miss that all, I will miss them deeply, I will miss even those that we are not close friends, as I am used to the combination of people, I will miss the combination, listening to that voice and hearing that laugh, seeing those intimates walking or laughing together, all that all that will be missed a lot.
I love u ALL, I am gonna miss u ALL. :'(

I still have a lot inside, but it's just that I can't complete now......

Oh Allah, please fulfill all my dreams

yesterday I was enjoying work very much, generally starting from this week I became very happy at work because my dear friend Sue, moved her PC and began sitting beside me:)))

Suddenly at the evening my mood changed with no single reason for it to change and I became very upset, and began thinking of many things that worries me and makes me sad, and then I said to myself remember all the gifts you have from God, remember all what you have, or just remember how he saved your father to you and made the operation passes peacefully.

I made so with my mind, but internally I was still uncomfortable, and then a friend of mine came to my mind and I called her as she's travelling in a vaction and I missed her tOoOoO much, just hearing her voice on the phone saying "AlOoOoO", my mood was really changed 180 degress and I began laughing and joking with her, and there was another surprise to me which was our other friend was there too in a vacation my mind faked me and I really fealt as If I was there with them as their third companion and I enjoyed it too much

Then I began ordering my wardrobe, and I was singing many things, then all of a sudden I began Praying, asking God all what I want and not just asking but speaking and speaking loudly I was not just speaking with my my head but with my voice too, I felt relieved afterwards.

On waking up today I found an SMS from my travelling brother saying that he'd seen our mother (God Rests her Soul) giving him many cadeaux to give them to me, I felt then that it's a sign that all my wishes will be fulfilled ISA and my Prayers were heard (Ostegebat ISA)

I Came work today, to find my friends are abscent, but we phoned each others, and I am generally in a good mood I hope it stays for a long while
I hope all my prayers come true