Bye Bye My Sweet Little Turtle

It's really very difficult, to feel irresponsible towards a creature, that's very helpless and totally depending on me.
Today (14/07/2008), one of the couple of turtles that have passed their first anniversary with me from a few days, has passed away.

It's a very hard feeling. My mind is over thinking, it's a very strange feeling. I accuse myself of being careless about the turtles, and not taking it seriously.

I know it's fate, and it would have day the same day, and minute it died in. But I just can't help blaming myself.
Plus, I can't figure out how's the other turtle is feeling now, living alone in the aquarium looking for its mate, and can't imagine what may had happened to it, and how that it's never returning back :((

God Forgives me for any wrong doing I may've done regarding the poor turtles. And helps me to take care of the remaining turtle, and the new companion I am intending to get ISA.

External dependancy

"External dependency is being dependant on an external object or a person in order to feel good or escape a bad mood."

I am afraid that I am an external dependent person, my happiness and mood is highly affected by a good deed someone does to me, or a bad deed that I am shocked with.

It's not the normal effect, but it's very deep. That's why sometimes I feel like sheltering into my own shell, not being isolated from the external environment, but just shutting down my feelings system and living.

"Colourless turtle", that was once the behaviour that I found similar to my attitude, the turtle is very self dependent, it has its own shell portable with it in everywhere available to it in every moment, the only difference is that I made this shell colourless or transparent, so that I keep on feeling with the surroundings and get out of my shell, when it's time to, and the people who worth leaving my shell are there; too close.

But, I should make my shell, a very good place, and learn how to be happy staying in it.