I Love U ALL...

Today, was a very remarkable day, that I will never forget, as far as I know myself. It was my last day in the first company, and the first job. I've put a fullstop and ended the first sentence in my career.

But the most important to me, is the people, as I love them a lot, I was really indirectly forced to leave my dear friends, and the friendly, loving environmet that I was enjoying a lot.

Anyway, It's life "C 'est La Vie", But ISA, we will be always connected.

I was really happy today, as I saw all the team in my Farewell, that team that is used to be here and there, at the Customer's site, finishing some tasks. But we were all gathered today, especially HH who was on a vacation and it was broken, MH who is outsourced, but to my good luck, he came today, Also TA who had training outside, came after he finished. I was happy for seeing them all Around, Although I was missing my elder brothers but they are out of the country, so it wasn't in their hand at all to come :)

Now, I have a very strange confusing feeling. My mind still not figuring out, that it's really the last day and it's over. My mind keep on saying, did a year and 3 months passed like this? did I finish my 1 month notice that quick? still can't believe .... Shall I be joining the company I've been dreaming of after only 2 more days?

And then the idea that nothing in the world is perfect jumbs into my mind... I feel that it's very true.

I wish that we will be always connected, and our relation get deeper and deeper.

You will be always with me and inside my heart :))... Love U ALL

سئمت

سئمت لا أقول سئمت الحياة و لكنى سئمت حياتى
لا لن أقول بغضت الحياة و لكنى بغضت حياتى

آلعيب فى أم فى من حولى؟ و لكنى سأجزم أن العيب ليس فى وحدى
الدمع يقف حائرا فى مقلتى لائما كل من حولى جميعا
نعم فلم يعد لى حميما وما معنى الحياة إذا سرت وحيدة
--------
أنظر إلى سماؤك يا ربى و أرى الغيوم كأنها دموعا
دموعا تهطل أمطارا و سيولا بكاءا على من تراهم السماء حيارى
و أسمع صوت هواؤك يبكى من أجل كل نفس محترق من الحزن و الأسى
و استشعر الجبال قد أقسمت على أن لا تنبت زهرا لكى لا يذبل حزنا
قد خشى الجبل على الزهور و استهان الناس بالقلوب
قلوب تدمى حزنا و أسى
حزنا علي ماض قد انقضى
و أسى على حاضر يتبدد هباءا
كفى يا سماء عن البكاء و كفى غيوما فبغير نورك
لا نستطيع الحياة
و اسمحى يا جبال بأن تعيش فوق ظهرك الزهور
عسى أن تبقى زهرة تسعد قلب من قلوب الحزانى
و يا هواء صبرا فإن النفوس غدا سوف تبرد
و تلطف نسيمك برضاها
فإن الحياة زهور و أحزان
لقاءا و وداع
حبا و شقاءا
فرحا و الماّ
عجيبة هى الحياة و رغم ذلك نحياها

Feelings...Feelings and Feelings Again :'(

Yesterday, was a day that I've been dreaming with, since I have been in college. The day that I go to that company and pass through the interviews successfully.

The couple of days before yesterday, I've made a lot of prayers and asked people to pray that I would be accepted and join that comapny, and what made me very sticky is that I was very upset from my current job.

Anyways, Yesterday I went to the company and went through the recruitement process, there were a lot of people there waiting to be interviewed, I was a little worried when I saw this large number, but had a faith in God that He would help me, and to my astonishment, I found myself passing from an interview to the other and when entering each I was feeling that this would be the last and I won't pass to the next till I found myself in the last one Hearing "Congrats", and took the offer.

I was veryyyyyyyy happy then, but in my way back home, I passed by my current company an remembered that these few coming days would be the End of my days in that comapny, which although I was really upset from and suffering from its management but I LOVE IT, yes I do :S, then my feelings began to go to the other extreme and became very sad for the thought of leaving the company, the people and everything there that I love deeply :'( , really deeply.

Then arriving home, I called my friend sue and told here that I've been accepted there, she was GREATLYYY affected by these news, and she ended the call immediately excusing me and telling me that she's not able to talk anymore. Then I called my friend DODO, in hope that she would be in a better status and would react in a way that may lift my mood up. But, her reaction wasn't better than that of Sue by any mean, and she kept saying, "is it sure?" and also ended the call immediately.

After these 2 phone calls that mode that began when I passed by the compay's premises became more and more stronger, but I was shy from God to be sad and cry instead of thanking him for his help and support to me, I felt a very strange feeling that I didn't experience before, I felt as if my heart was divided into 2 zones, one that is happy for what God have given me and the other is very sad for my departure.

I was in a very strange bad mood, I called a friend of us that was with us in the company but left from about 5 or 6 months and told her everything, on hearingher voice in the phone I burst into tears, at the beginig she thought that I was rejected in the interview, but when she heard the complete story from me she tried her best to calm me down, and she succeded partially, but still I wasn't ok, I sent a msg to Sue, and DODO just saying "Sorry", I couldn't tell more than that, then I recieved a call from DODO, she was partially fine at the beginig of the call, then we ended the call each of us crying.

And today at work also, it was a day full of ups and downs in our moods, but generally, it was better than I was expecting thank God.

I am really, going to miss my friends, colleagues, team, Really I am going to miss them all...I can't imagine not saluting them in the early morning and the chit chats, that we used to have through the day, praying with each others, taking the break, sitting in the balacon together, making the Nescafe, and also walking to the main street from the company every day.... I will miss that all, I will miss them deeply, I will miss even those that we are not close friends, as I am used to the combination of people, I will miss the combination, listening to that voice and hearing that laugh, seeing those intimates walking or laughing together, all that all that will be missed a lot.
I love u ALL, I am gonna miss u ALL. :'(

I still have a lot inside, but it's just that I can't complete now......

A way out............

I want a way out of that place, although I like it a lot and like the people and everything, but I feel that there are somethings and some people who are insisting on making the place unbearable.

But to go out I need to have some other BETTRT place, and currenly I don't have it. And I don't know whether I'll be having it some SOON day that I will be in a better place or I got stucked with that place?

Another point is..........shall I really find a better place.....or its a mirage?????????????Are they all the same?

Unsettled
Unsatisfied
Confused
unable to do any positive step to help myself, though I have many ideas to help in my mind

Will be always missing ...

The day before yesterday, we were preparing for a very happy event that was going to happen, regardless of the event itself.
I felt that this event, would have cheered, and fell the heart of my dear very much, I kept imagining how she would have been very happy, full of joy, reaping the fruits of her hard working years and all the effort that she'd exerted to take care of this plant, but unfortunately it was not her fate to witness this event, but anyways, thank God, I wish that she's sharing every joyfull moment with us and doesn't feel with us any bad moment that we pass with.

Also, ISA, by the end of this week, a wish that we all have been wishing from a long time, and kept imagining that day and every minor deatil in it, will be fulfilled ISA, I think that there are other Dears that we are be missing veryyyyyyyyy much on that day, those who will forever be missed in evey happy event and also every nin-happy one.

Please Dears, know that ISA, that you will never be missing in any event, because you are in a place that we can't exist without, you're in our hearts, in every photo that we take, your places are reserved, in every gathering we gather in, you're the first ones in.

We can never be apart from you, you're always in our hearts dearies.........miss u, though u are never missed

Rolling Back.................. :)) Hopefully

"Rolling Back" this term is well known, I think especially for people who are working in the field of IT like me :D

But can we "Roll Back" that easy in our real lives, or as people say "Undo/ Ctrl+Z" our actions and the most hardest our feelings, I think that this is impossible or else live could have been much easier.

There is something else that I wish it was existing in the "Human's World", which is freezing, either to freeze on a happy moment the one is enjoying, freezing to keep with the company you like, freezing on the situation, the state of satisfaction and happiness the one's in at a certain moment.

Unrelated and unorganized thoughts that are coming into my mind, and there is much more, and I guess more important still in my mind, but still can't be translated into written lines :(((

The Happiest day in One's Life

Yesterday, I went to the cinema some of my friends from work. We were a little confused between 2 films, but one of our friends was totally against one of the 2 films and supporting the other one, so we went that other one.

My mind began thinking of a sentence that was said in the film of yesterday, that I am still thinking of till the current moment, the actress was saying that everytime she was upset she sits to see the sunrise, and hear it as if saying to hear "Have hope, still you didn't live the happiest day in your life".
From then, I've been asking myself: "Did I live the best day in my life or it's still coming", who knows, we can't answer this questions unless we've lived all our age that is written to us.

I kept dreaming of this day, how would I feel, what would happen to make me extremely happy?
and another question came to my mind: "Is it better to live in average happiness or to feel that EXTREME happiness?????????"
And, if that happiest day in my life already passed? which day was it ??????????????

Oh Allah, please fulfill all my dreams

yesterday I was enjoying work very much, generally starting from this week I became very happy at work because my dear friend Sue, moved her PC and began sitting beside me:)))

Suddenly at the evening my mood changed with no single reason for it to change and I became very upset, and began thinking of many things that worries me and makes me sad, and then I said to myself remember all the gifts you have from God, remember all what you have, or just remember how he saved your father to you and made the operation passes peacefully.

I made so with my mind, but internally I was still uncomfortable, and then a friend of mine came to my mind and I called her as she's travelling in a vaction and I missed her tOoOoO much, just hearing her voice on the phone saying "AlOoOoO", my mood was really changed 180 degress and I began laughing and joking with her, and there was another surprise to me which was our other friend was there too in a vacation my mind faked me and I really fealt as If I was there with them as their third companion and I enjoyed it too much

Then I began ordering my wardrobe, and I was singing many things, then all of a sudden I began Praying, asking God all what I want and not just asking but speaking and speaking loudly I was not just speaking with my my head but with my voice too, I felt relieved afterwards.

On waking up today I found an SMS from my travelling brother saying that he'd seen our mother (God Rests her Soul) giving him many cadeaux to give them to me, I felt then that it's a sign that all my wishes will be fulfilled ISA and my Prayers were heard (Ostegebat ISA)

I Came work today, to find my friends are abscent, but we phoned each others, and I am generally in a good mood I hope it stays for a long while
I hope all my prayers come true

Experience

Last Saturday (15/ 07/ 2006); I passed with a very unique and strange personal experience.
I've passed some moments in which I was dead of fear and worry. Minutes after I felt relieved and began laughing.
I've seen the people and how they were very supporting to us and how caring were they.
I've felt there love and care, they were competing in helping us.

Thank you all, and before all thanks and gratitude to my dear God, who saved us and was very near and merciful to us, and for showing us what do we mean to all these people around

Something Broken :(((

When you find yourself very clear and open and is telling all about yourself.And is confronted by someone who you considered yourself from the nearest people to her/him is hiding some facts from you and the most hurting is that that fact is known to other people, you get really shocked.

I don't know why I am getting all these shocks, or I am over sensetive or what. Especially, that in this case I am not able to change my mind and opinion on the character because it's really from the best characters I met ever in my life, but the case is in me, I am still not that close:((.

And that's my everlasting problem "Not THAT Close"

Till when...

Till when are my feelings still speak a language, that others fails to understand.
or speak words that others just don't want to hear:'(

Bored of Myself

I am bored of myself, whenever I get a step forward in social Intelligence, I get it backward again, resulting in no enhancements in my level.

When shall I be a normal person, who interacts with people in a normal way.

Is the defect in me or in people around me, I doubt that it's in people around me as for sure not all these people have the same defect. It seems that only the few close friends to me who are the superiors so that they were able in dealing with a very high maintenance people like me