There are some people in my life that confuses me soo much, and their level of intimacy cannot be detected easily, if it could ever be detected at all.
One day they are intimates, and the other day they are just a piece of ice infront of me, may be the ice melts, but in that status they're non breakable ice
I feel so reactive infront of this type of people, I just become so passive, and I hate that about myself, if they enter into their icy shell, I'll run into mine too, and if they're out in their friendly attitude, I happily open my heart to them.
I dun know whether they're aware of what they're doing, or they're behaving that way involuntary and I am just too fragile to bear that icy shell time. Also, I dun have the courage to try to get them out of their icy shell, may be that would be in vain, and I dun like to exert my emotions in vain.
What makes me bare that swing, is that I appreciate those people and they really have their role in my life that I can't deny. But how much could I bear... I dun know...
Another thing that's annoying me and that I never stop thinking about, is that I am not behaving normally, I am over thinking and putting my actions under a microscope with a very high magnification power, so as to create my fake icy shell that would shelter me apparently in the season they are inside their shells... and I HATE IT when I am not behaving with my normal flow, also, what if there was no synchronization in that icy time... may I be ruining anything without paying attention to what I am doing ?
No matter how much I try to behave simply as I am, I can rarely keep that state, while it's snowing outside, I quickly run into my fake icy shell.
