Have a Look Deep Inside

I'm Flattered =)

2011-09-09T03:15:00.001+02:00

On Wednesday ... something special happened to me, that I am really happy with. I hope that this time it's meant to be as I wish it to be.

It's all about you...

2011-09-05T23:34:00.001+02:00

Today, I started writing it ALL down, dedicating every line and every word in it to you.
Hoping that I may be able to reveal it to you one day. Hoping and waiting for that day to come.

I Dreamt of you :))

2011-06-14T11:25:00.000+02:00

Yes, it was a very nice dream, I wished it was true, and I wished I kept dreaming and didn't have to wake up to go work.
I dreamt you were buying a house near our's and that you brought me very nice cadeaux, the ones that I like the simple ones that I just can be perfectly happy with.
The cadeaux included chocolate, it was toblerone IN DISGUISE :D .. shaklaha kan 3ageeb shewaya...
And also, the ones that I like the most was a box full of colored wooden, butterflies, and the circluar flowers that I like with the colors that I love baby blue and pinkish.. I was flying from the idea of you getting me something, from the surprise of seeing you, and from the BEAUTIFUL things that were inside the box :)

Make a Wish =)

2011-06-07T01:10:00.000+02:00

Today, I received an e-mail from "Causes", at the end of it was a "Make a Wish" button, to create a Cause for something that I would love to help.

Regardless of the reason behind the mail, and regardless of that it's just an automated mail that is sent to me and to many other people... I dun know why I was so touched by these words that were written on the button "Make a Wish"...this magical sentence had its effect on me, and it peneterated my mind, my soul and my heart and let me think, think and think ...
I guess that it's a very nice feeling that all you have to do is just to wish, dun worry about the HOW the possible and the impossible, just wish, feeling deep inside that the wish has its opportunity to come true.

What about hearing the word "Make a Wish" .. is that you feel that somebody's taking care of your wish, and is helping you in accomplishing what you want and is "SHARING" you your wishes. What makes this sentence has that effect is that you feel that someone willingly offered to take the job of making it come true. may be this is because Human is capable of helping others than helping oneself, hence that's why it has that's magical effect on us as it carries an implicit hope or a guarantee for fulfillment and coming true.
Or, may be we are just comforted with sharing our dreams.

NonSense

2011-06-01T00:44:00.000+02:00

Ana ta3bana w zah2ana w mesh 3arfa ana 3ayza walla 3arfa ana momken a3mel eih 3ashan atbeset 7assa en ana 3andy 7alet rekoood, fel fekr wel maghood wel 7amas.
Helpless may be.... want things to turn to the better alone without me helping in anything..mesh 3ashan 7aga bas mesh adra 7assa eny me7taga a3mel hibernate l 7ayaty
w lamma agy a2oom ba2a ISA ab2a a3mel repair
ay kalam mesh hay7sal w ahy ta7'areeef w 7'allas .. bas 7assa eny 3ayza a2ool ay kelmeteen gayez l robama astaraya7 aw 3al a2al 3ayza abtedy ada3bed gowaya gayez awsal l ay 7aga

Really Sorry

2011-01-02T01:53:00.000+02:00

I dun know what to say, but first of all, I am really deeply sorry for all the victim's of yesterday's explosion and all their families.

I am speechless, because SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH, by my nature, I would have approached my friends who are between Sad, Angry, Frustrated, or just Giving Up that anything could get any better. I would have tried to highlight anything good, and help them to hope for the better.

But, this time I just can't do this...because, I am just feelin the same .. or at least I just believe that I am feeling so

The issue is not small, and it's recurrent.

I can't imagine, people are in the church, worshiping God in their own way, and during the time of the feast. And then a BLACK.BLIND.BOMB just ruins the expected awaited happiness in the feast time of a little child, that may have lost a mother or a father or both in that explosion.

I am seeing that girl when she grows up... in everytime she misses her parents or one of them .. this missing is going to be turned to hatred to the other .. which we can't blame her for.

Really, the families of these victims, need coaching to be able to live normally with the others.
And also the environment needs to be reformed in many ways. So, that all of us can feel safe.. and YES i see that the security wasn't enough, but ALSO i believe that their shouldn't be guards aslan for the Worshiping Houses, it should be the most safe and secured place, without any external security...The value of these places should be known to all and should be respected.

I am sorry FOR the innocent people and their families, but not sorry on behalf of those criminals, because I dun know who they are.. but all what I am sure of is that I am totally unrelated to them.. so it's a shame to talk with their name aslan.

I am sorry, sad, wanna close my eyes and open it and see us learning from this horrible experience....TOGETHER facing those extremists and/OR strangers who for sure are full of hatred and all negative feelings to this country and all its people.

ColorQuiz.com - The free five minute personality test!

2010-12-11T04:07:00.000+02:00

ColorQuiz.com - The free five minute personality test!

Wondering

2010-11-02T12:31:00.000+02:00

While working and listening to "Mesh Faraa Maay" by fayrooz ... I wondered does it not really matter ?!!!

I know it's not true... and it does matter. But, I am just convincing myself with the opposite .. and I know I am not successful in that brainwashing task I am doing to myslef especially after that dream that I had today .. I dreamt with you, and I was very upset when I woke up and find that it was just a dream.

Nothing existed one day !!!

2010-10-28T01:54:00.000+02:00

NO more trials are still undone, no more approaches are still not tested. I have done all what I can do, and said all what I can say. I tried hardly and did my best, which was not enough and it's very difficult when your best is just not enough.

It's very bad feeling when you still have hope inside, and wish to do more, but just dun know what is exactly this "more" is.

If this state has been reached, then for sure something wrong has been there from the beginning. And unfortunately, I have just discovered this today.

It's my cursed expectations that have no limits, and have no solid ground to stand upon. I am fond of maximizing the minor, and seeing the things that are not there...and ignoring the things that are clear as the sun...

It's me who's building the fake fantasy world for myself to live in..
I am like those who make a lie and then believe it.. I believe it, live it and long for it ... am I torturing myself or what ... I really dun understand.
Shall I ever change, will that be possible one day.
Will I ever be able to distinguish the truth from the illusions that I create for myself...

And if I'll be able to do this in the future, what about those fake things that I am living with now, and just can't co-ope with anymore?

انـــا وليـــــــــــلى

2010-09-25T21:33:00.001+03:00

ماتت بمحراب عينيك ابتهالاتي

واستسلمت لنداء الياس راياتي

جفت على بابك الموصود ازمنتي

ليلى وما اثمرت شيئاً نداءاتي

عامان مارف لى لحن على وتر

ولا استفاقت على نور سماواتي

اعتق الحب فى قلبي واعصره

فأرشف اللهم فى مغبر كاساتي

ممزق انا

لا جاه

ولا ترف

يغيرك فى فخليني لآهاتي

لو تعصرين سنين العمر اكملها

لسال منها نزيف من جراحاتي

لو كنت ذا ترف

ما كنت تاركة حبي

لكن عسر الحال ضعف الحال

فقر الحال مأساتي

عانيت عانيت

لاحزاني ابوح به

ولست تدرين شيئاً عن معاناتي

امشي واضحك ياليلي مكابرة

على اخبي عن الناس احتضاراتي

لا الناس تعرف ما امري فتعذرني

ولا سبيل لديهم فى مواساتي

يرسو بعينيك حرمان يمص دمي

ويستبيح اذا شاء ابتساماتي

معذورة انت ان اجهضت لى املي

لا الذنب ذنبك بل كانت حماقاتي

اضعت فى عرض الصحراء قافلتي

وجئت ابحث فى عينيك عن ذاتي

وجئت احضانك الخضراء منتشياً

كالطفل احمل احلامي البريئات

غرست كفك تجتثين اوردتي

وتسحقين بلا رفق مسراتي

واغربتاه

مضاع هاجرت مدني حسني

وما ابحرت منها شراعاتي

نفيت واستوطن الاغراب فى بلدي

ودمروا كل اشيائى الحبيبات

خانتك عيناك

فى زيف وفى كذب

ام غرك البهرج والخداع مولاتي

فراشة جئت القى كل اجنحتي

لديك فأحترقت ظلماً جناحاتي

اصيح والسيف مزروع بخاصرتي

والغدر حطم آمالي العريضات

وانت ايضاً الا تبت يداك

اذا اثرت قتلي واستعذبت اناتي

من لى بحذف اسمك الشفاف من لغتي

اذن ستسمى بلا ليلى حكاياتي

عيشها كدة زى ما هى

2010-09-25T15:08:00.001+03:00

لو هعيط ... فانا هعيط اوى ... بس انا مش هعيط ... عشان حتى العياط مبأش بيريحنى ... و حتى الكتابة ... بقالى كتيير مكتبتش حاجة من جواية بجد لانى مش عايزة افكر... مش عايزة اشوف ولا عايزة احس ولا عايزة اعقل اللى حواليا... عشان متعبش اكترما انا اصلا تعبانة.

ابتلاء الله دائما يكون فيه رحمة ... دايما فى عز الازمة تجيلك رسالة من ربنا تقوللك انا واقف جنبك و معاك و قريب منك و حاسس بيك. حاجة بتديك قوة و تفاؤل فى عز المحنة.

انما النلس فما اقساها ما هقساها ما اقساها... بيوجعوك و انت عامل حسابك ان هما دول مصدر قوتك و ربما سبب فرحتك ... بيوجعوك و وجع قوى على قدر غلو مكانتهم عندك و تواضع مكانتك - ان وجدت - عندهم.

"هتعمل ايه لو قمت يوم و لاقيت اقرب ما ليك فى الدنيا مش حواليك " ... و هو مش حواليك بمحض ارادته و اختياره ... عشان هو شايف ان وجودك فى حياته تماما كعدمه... و ربما عدمه اريح على اية حال

اللى هعمله ... هسكت و هتصدم و مش هستنى حاجة كويسة من حد ... و مش هصدق اى معاملة كويسة ولا هقول على حد طيب...

انا من فترة كنت بقول ان مفيش ناس جديدة هتدخل حياتى ... اللى دخل دخل و خلاص ... المشكلة دلوقتى فى القدام ... هيفضلوا تعبنى كدة لغاية يمتى ؟!!!

Silence is needed sometimes

2010-09-05T10:14:00.000+02:00

Have you ever been told to look to yourself in the mirror, when you feel you don't and you know you'll not be pleased seeing the person that will appear in it?

That's exactly what's happening to me, I am forced to answer the simple question of ... "How things are going?" "Are things getting better?"... And the irony is that people are not convinced with a short answer like "el 7amdu lellah”... They need to listen to more than that... They need more details... Some are really worried and they are hoping for a relieving answer... and others are just curious or maybe they're imagining that they're pressing my talk button...

To all these people who care and who do not... Thanks for asking

And I am not rude when I am saying words like... "Please I dun want to talk "... or "just pray" ... or any silly answer of the like.

I dun want to talk about it, I dun want to realize it... I dun want to see it or hear it... isn't that my right?

I am escaping for a while from the worries and the terrible thoughts in my mind... is that too much?

I appreciate my friends who really understands me and appreciate my rights and just stand silent by my side... ready to listen just if I wanted to talk or if they felt it for they know me well ...

Yarab

2010-08-25T12:55:00.003+02:00

My dear God .. I really need you .. I need your support .. I have faith in you, I trust in you .. I know you're close, merciful and is observing and do everything for a reason.

But, Please God .. mercy our human nature .. mercy our weakness.
I dun need to speak... you know it all ... you know what I am feeling and what I am hoping for.
I am afraid of being desperate .. please God dun let me be so.
I am sure of your coming blessings .. But I just want them now ... Please God..
I need to have a peace of mind.. I need to rest comfortable .. I dun want to be worried .. and I dun want to be confused or hesitated .. I am tired of fear, worry and all the things you know we have been passing through.
Please God take our hands and rescue us ...

My Dear Sister ... I Love U :))

2010-08-08T13:29:00.000+03:00

On your very special day, I wanna tell you I love u. Not the classic clache I love you, but I really mean it in every way.

I love you as you are because you also accept me as I am...

I love being your sister ... I am blessed with such a kind hearted sister ... and I am thankful for that bless. Although we quarrel a lot :)) but even these things I love as well.

I really wish you all the good things, because when u're blessed and happy .. I feel the same as you and even more ... and when you're down .. I feel it worse and I am deadly worried about you.

May this year carry to U and accordingly to me all the peace of mind, Mercy from God ... Satisfaction, success and dreams turning into reality AMEEN (F)

P.S: I am writing this ... because I wanted to tell you that I care to show you my feelings in every way I have. And to tell you that you are loved. And to tell you that you're making a BIG and HUGE and Beautiful difference in our life.

And why especially this year :)) because I am turning into a mature girl now ... that learnt to appreciate every feeling she has and learnt the importance of expressing it. And learnt that this is the least thing we can do to the people we love ... is to show them what do they really mean to US

Simple things

2010-08-08T00:22:00.000+03:00

Simple things are what really matter ... and I just find my mood is very affected by these simple things all the time.
I am grateful for the simple thing of the day :) it made me happy :))

Nothing Specefic =)

2010-08-06T01:38:00.001+03:00

Other than any Post, I've posted here. I am just writing now with nothing specfic in mind. I just felt that I missed my blog, I felt it has been too long since I've posted anything here .. although I have more than a draft... but just was not completed... and their feelings are gone now.. so they'll not be completed .. at least at the time being.
Briefing on the previous period .. the last 4 months .. I've been passing through very hard and tough time as my dear father was seriously ill... but thanks god ... hopefully things are getting stable ISA.

I saw some of my friends today .. and that made a difference el 7amdu lellah .. I really missed them a lot and is still missing the others... but unfortunately =( some dun excuse me for not being able to go out and meet them.

Ramadan is approaching, it's less than a week and we'll be there iSA ... ALLAHOMA bale3'na Ramadan and Laylat el Kadr ISA.
But I still can't feel the spirit of Ramadan... I hope I can be spiritually connected soon and deeply.
Waiting for salat el taraweee7 :))

It's all about hope

2009-12-31T23:44:00.003+02:00

New year ... why is it that remarkable ?!!! I had a thought today .. that this year called 2009 that all people are judging these days, is just a part of me, a part of my life time in this world, experiences that are gone, and may never come again, but will leave their effects whether consciously or not.
2009 or whatever the name was, is just a grouping for some days in my life. I may choose to go with all people, and make my new start at this day, or just in any other time I would choose.
And most probably, I would choose the day I was born on from every year for that new start and self evaluation.
2009 is not good or bad, same is for: 2010, 2011, 20** ! It's just a part of my journey in this world, carrying a collection of events, fate, successes failures, that will sum up to make the person I am to be by the end of my life.
And by every year I am coming closer to the person I was meant to be in this life.
Just, we're trying to take a happy path, to end a peaceful end.
It's all about hope, hoping that the coming part of our lives are better.
Happy New Portion of Our Lives =)

حماقة عشرة أعوام

2009-11-12T01:12:00.009+02:00

يوم الأحد الماضى كنت فى حى الزمالك أقوم بمشوار ما. كنت ذاهبة مع واحدة من صديقاتى و لكنى كنت عائدة بمفردى إلى مصر الجديدة حبيبتى. كنت فى حالة مزاجية قلما تأتى ... أغلقت زجاج سيارتى الا جزء صغير يسمح بتجديد الهواء و استمريت فى غناء كثير من الأغانى و الاعلانات التى علقت بذهنى من قديم و حديث و سعيد و حزين ... فالمشوار من الزمالك لمصر الجديدة لا يأخذ وقت قصير

و لكن الغريب أن هناك أغنية فكرت بها بطريقة لم تخطر ببالى من قبل و هى أغنية كاظم التى كنت استمع لها و أنا فى الثانوى و هى

إلا أنتى

اشهد الا امرأة أتقنت اللعبة إلا أنتى و احتملت حماقة عشرة أعوام كما احتملتى

و اصطبرت على جنونى مثل ما صبرتى و قلمت أظافرى و رتبت دفاترى

و أدخاتنى روضة الأطفال الا أنتى

يااااااااااااااااه حماقة عشرة أعوام ؟!!!!!!!!! أصلا يا ترى على ماذا تشتمل كلمة حماقة ؟

هل كان يعرف أخريات و يتركها .... و يتذكرها فقط عندما تفشل قصصه هذه ؟

هل كانت أخر اهتماماته بينما كان كل اهتمامتها ؟

هل كان يفعل ذلك عن قصد ام فقط لجهله بمشاعرها ؟

و أخيرا يا ترى ما هو الشىء الذى أفاقه بعد عشرة سنوات ؟

و بالنسبة لها .... من أين اتت بكل هذه القدرة على الاحتمال .... من المؤكد انها كانت تأتيها لحظات من الضعف و اليأس و الاحباط و لكن من المؤكد أيضا ان مشاعرها كانت أكبر و أفوى من ذلك كله... من المؤكد ان كان لديها أمل يكفى العالم أجمع . أو ربما أنها كانت سعيدة بهذه المشاعر الرقيقة التى بداخلها و ترغب فى الاحتفاظ بها لانها جعلتها تكتشف أنها من الممكن ان تعطى كل هذا العطاء

و يا ترى كيف كان شعورها و هى تسمع هذه الكلمات التى فى الأغنية ... هل شعرت بالسعادة ام أن الوقت قد فات ... و لديها الأن حالة من الاستغناء ... أو ربما خشيت على مشاعرها الرقيقة من حماقات أخرى ؟ لا نعلم ... فام يخبرنا كاظم بهذا

وصلت مصر الجديدة و انتهيت من مشوارى ولكن استمر سؤال يروادنى: هل يجب على أحد ان يتحمل حماقة عشرة أعوام حتى يقترب من أحبائه ؟ أم انها سعادة ياهظة الثمن النفسى ؟

!!!وجدتنى بعدها أقول: تعبت و تستاهل

Text of Steve Jobs' Commencement address (2005)

2009-10-02T05:36:00.001+02:00

Text of Steve Jobs' Commencement address (2005)

Posted using ShareThis

Known Bugs

2009-08-20T14:37:00.004+03:00

It appears that I never learn, or let me be more fair, I haven't succeeded till now to learn certain lessons.

The thing that annoys me the most, is that I can from the very begining detect that I am doing what I've discovered that it didn't work before, and I just keep on going in the same way with even the same steps. May be the only differenece is that I am watching myslef. but still a passive watching as I can't stop myself and redirect to the expected path that I am supposed to be taking.

I can't get that Quote for Einstein out of my mind: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.". YES, that's exactly what I am doing which means.. that I am INSANE.

Will I ever learn these lessons ?!! will I ever be more sain ... when... I hope it won't be too late then... Plus that I am really too tired of these roads that lead to no where. And I am afraid that I lost hope in me ... I'll be that current me ... no progress in certain areas... they appear to be a known bugs for me =(.

Indifference

2009-07-18T13:31:00.004+03:00

I think that I've finally reached that state of indifference that I was seeking from a long time. But have not been persistent on really reaching it.

I've thought about it a lot and took my decision based upon facts and deeds or misdeeds that have been happening during the past period.

I used to be wondering about the reason behind that weird behavior from some person's side and I kept telling myself... OK I dun want us to be as we once used to be ... But at least I need to understand the reason behind that change.
now I dun care... I am only concerned about the results and the weird behavior and that the change has happened already... and I need to deal with it and get over all the questions that were in mind

And from now on I will be the person in control. I dun mean that I'll control anyone, but at least I'll be controlling myself and will not allow anybody to control me and my mood.

I'll not be that reactive person I once used to be. I'll never be upsetted from any misdeed and I'll never expect something good from that person, if we were to know eachothers again in the first place. And if by mistake something good happened I'll never be happy with it.
I'll not let my mood be sitting on a swing that someone else is controlling all the time.

That person has been moved to the indifference zone, that zone that takes no place neither in my heart nor in my mind.
That zone that's only available as long as the circumstances put that person in my way, and will be cleared as long as that person is away.

Exactly like sitting beside someone in the bus, you may never talk , you may just say hello, and even if you talk with that person a friendly talk, you'll forget everything as soon as you reach your station or that person's leaves.

I am really happy of that state... thank god that I've reached it finally.

Need a Vacation

2009-06-07T17:39:00.004+03:00

It's not an ordinary vacation that I need. I need a special and different one, I need a vacation from my whole life, and I dun mean to pause on the current status just to take rest. And I dun mean a change. And I dun need all these typicals.
I need to take my mind out of my head... that's the meant vaction, mean while.. life moves on ... towards a better state.
I want to disable ally my feeling and thinking features. all my senses... all these needs a vcation.

Is this is possible...??!!!

I know it's not... but I have faith in (إنَّما أمرُهُ إذا أرادَ شيئًا أن يقولَ لَهُ كُنْ فَيَكون)

miss U dearest

2009-05-10T14:47:00.002+03:00

Can't say anything. I feel that I've said all the words before, has been through the same feelings since then, they are not new .. just they are getting stronger and harder and I miss you more dear ...
may God Rest your Soul and peace, and gather us again in Paradise ISA.
Can't end this post.. as I feel that I am with you now while I am sending this post... I feel I am talking to you...
But I dun want to get my feelings out here... that will be so hard... and I know you'll not be happy knowing that I feel these feelings.

my Dear Blog... I Love U =)

2009-04-22T21:56:00.003+02:00

I am here writing this post to you my dear blog. I really Love you, Love how you help me calrify my thoughts and see them infront of me, Love you for bearing my non-sense at times, and above all I love you for being there for me all the time.

I am you and you're me and we're one. My thoughts create your body, and you never forget a single word that I tell you, and Also thank you for devoting yourself to me.

People used to say that a Book is the best friend, but I would like to say that a Blog is even better, as a book is talking all the time like a wise friend that always gives advises, but my blog hears me just as a friend keep listening to whatever I say and never get bored and never stops me, and without it saying a single world I feel better everytime I talk to it.

Thank you my Dearest Blog (L)

A Solitary walk

2009-03-19T16:07:00.005+02:00

Gayale ana 7alet ra3'y mesh tabe3ya.. 7assa zay ma yekooN 7ad raKeb radio f dma3'y w 3amla ba2a 7awadeet abla fadeela sha3'ala fou2.. fa 2olt agy aktebha heNa badal ma atGanen ya3ni.. omal el wa7ed 3amel bloG leih ?

by2olek eih ba2a ya setty .. el share3 kan hady keda w gameel.. el wa2t kan ba3d el 3asr b shewya w el bent kanet bet3ady el share3 w ma3aha shanta cross beige keda.. wel share3 kan feih nas rakba 3agal.. wel ard nedeeefa awi,.. w 3allamat el merooor elly fel ard loonha abyad nase3 keda wel air is very fresh... 3adet el bent el share3.. and she had a long walk by the side of the sea.. 3al corniche ya3ni.. w heya mashya ba2a kanet 7atta el mp3 player in her ears and listening to her best songs... the playlist she prepared carefully the night before

she was listening happily and every song in that carefully selected playlist touches a part of her and makes her think about her life. A sad song followed by a happy one followed by one of the best songs she used to listen to when she was a child. All her dear people were invited in her mind in that solitary walk... she remembered those whom life has separated her from them for good.. and a warm tear dropped down on her cold cheeks from the air around... and then her sweet memories made her smile.. and her childish memories remembered her of the child inside her that she never tries to hide because childhood means purity to her.. and that was a great value that she cherishes...she's happy that this part of her was kept safe from the effects of life and people.

She sat down to have a break... and to let her mind be fully dedicated to daydreaming and nothing else. she imagined the call she's always waiting for.. and she imagined every single detail of that converation.. she fiinished the call. and was back on earth... after that mind trip.

Suddenly she realized that it became darker around.. and that night had came.. she looked to her watch.. and remembered her train that is going to leave shortly.
On her way back.. she refused to think about her busy day at work tomorrow... she postponed remembering her never ending to- do lists.. And she just paused her mind on the time she had by the sea...

Hallucination

2009-03-19T03:59:00.002+02:00

Fag2a keda 7asset eny 3aYza a7'araf... Gale e7sas 7ad byfou2 mn el beng w lessa 7'areg mn 2ooodet el 3amayat.. although I've never been through it el 7amdu lellah... bas I feel like hallucinating awi... 3ayza a2ool kalam maloosh 3elaka b ba3do.. mesh 3ayza atkalem fe 7aga 3alla ba3daha...
YALLA ONE... TWO .. THREE

YOUh YOUH howa fe 7ad enahrda byfteker ?
7'allas ba2et 3ada ya 7abeeby.. w edala3t b zeyada
Suspense
close ur eyes, hold ur nose and JUMP
eshme3Na ya3ni ?
KoLaho baZenJaN
nefsy a3raf howa leih maynfa3sh
yalla press the button
aiwa.. ana 3ayza a3'yar el wad3... I'm willing to be the pioneer... bas ya tarra hab2a mabsoota keda???
3aYza afhaM...
Kan fe ZamaN walad rasSam... bas howa meen elly 2al 3alleih rasaM.. el nas elly shafet el rasma?!.. may be howa 2a3ad yekno3hom en rasmo 7elw.. w howa rasmo 3ady asLaN
ana ektashaft en 7atta law 2omnyet 7ayaty et7a2a3et w even once in a life time I could read somebody's mind.. once mesh hateb2a kefaya.. 3ashan kol shewya ha2ool.. ma momken tekoon fe 7aga 7assalet wel ra2y da et3'ayar
wel 3aTaba gaZaZ wel Selem naYlOo fe naylooo
el wDooOo7.. please
3'aLta maTba3ya
ma3Rafsh ana Bona2aN 3alla eih
amma neshouf
7aSby ALLAH w ne3m el wakeeL
Ana 3aYza aSafer.. 3aYza ashouf el ba7r... nefsy akalemo keda..
taDooOk sa3at Zabt el wakt
eih da.. ezZai keda ?
SEDDO w ESTAREEE7
3ayZa anZel amshi 7awaleen Sooor el koleya el 7arbya
leih la2a ?
Sponteneous.. Fresh.. Free.. monta3eesha.. el donya sob7.. w batmasha
shewayet self control w kolo hayeb2a fel tamaM.. bas ya3ni howa eih el limit... ya3ni ma howa ana law kol 7aga 7atetlaha rules w plan w keda hat2eleb l machine.. hab2a sab3awy tamaNyawy taha
ma heya kol 7aga leeha mezetha w 3eeBha
Today we'll opem cafe cheenOoOo
3ayZa atfasa7 ba2a .. wa atbest fel fos7a deih..
BoDO BoDo wa7ashNy awi.. 3ayZa al3ab ma3ah w ashoufu ba2a
RanDomiZe
yeMken eZ3al marra menaK .. laKen ew3a tfaKer enaK.. mn ...
3ayZa a2oool. eno el nas el open minded deih nas meya meya .. bas ta3baneen leih ba2a ? 3ashan homma by7taremo w bysma3o weghet nazar el nas el tanya w byfakarOoO feiha.. da gaz2hOom ya3ni ?
mesh hageeb ana kotob human developement tany 3alla fekra.. kolohom by2olo nafs el kalam bas from different prespectives..
3aM chaK cHak...w bOogy w taMtaM fe RamadaN.. walla el niNja Turtles a7la.. "Haya ya RefaK"
kona wa2feeen ba2a fe el balakooOna ana w amira beleil fel aGaZa
KathOra el 7adeeThoOo mn elaTy ahwaha
AftOkaLayZa
Kanet 7elwa awi el marra deih,... 3'eir kol el marat......el marat el tanya

Childish memories =)

2009-03-08T00:01:00.003+02:00

I've been thinking about what the games that I used to play when I was young...and I found that they weren't little, here's what I remember of my list:

Tika 3al 3alli w tikka 3al waty
Black shoes
2ooola
7'atooWet el arNab wel Namla wel 7aGat deih
un deux troies soliel
el baraya
autobus complete
Bingo
sayaDeeN el samaK
eL kalB el 7ayraN
AflaM/ BdoooN kalaM
KahraBa
Osto3'maya
taMaseel esKenDrya
RoSiee RoSaaH (I am not sure of the spelling)
el ta3laB fat
el ManDeeeL
el 2ota el 3aMya
el Ouda el Dalma/ el 3aFareeet (H)
TaC taC meeN 3aL baB... ana el deeB.. 3ayeZ eih... 3aYez beeeDa... Lonha eih .............
HolaHob
chess
cards (kent, sando2, kooomy, koNkaN, el shayeeb)
DomaNo
connect 4
Nat el 7aBl

da 3'eir el le3ab elly malhash esm ba2a:

- ta2leeef ay 7aga w tamseelha

- ne7ot ana w bent 7'alty el telephone 3al maktab w karasy w akeenena a secretary

- many paper games

Activities:

- Drawing with clay on on a white cement (maseees)

- using monshar arket ... to make disney shape medals

mesh 3arfa eih monasbet el 7agat deih.. bas ana fre7t enohom gom 3alla balee...

da 3'eir maged w fedoooly w moooza el 7abooba...

mickey, super mickey and mickey geeeb

w el maktaba el 7'adraa2

Flash w farafeeesh

w lamma kebert shewaya... ragol el mosta7eel w malaf el mosta2baL... I love these days awiii

and I just became in a good mood while recalling them =)

Story Trials

2009-02-20T22:23:00.005+02:00

There's a writer who wants to write a nice story. What happens is that from time to time; that writer starts visualizing the story in mind, holds the pen and begin the story and then while writing it, the inner sound keeps warning, that this story this story doesn't have the basic elements of making these thoughts even a casual story, but then the writer doesn't pay enough attention to that inner sound, and at a point, it becomes clear that the thoughts really miss the important elements of making them a story, but then the writer stops, holds the pen and prevent the hand from writing for a while.
The same scenario is repeated from time to time, but only with different heroes for the story, and a different look for them and externally trying to make heroes appear different than those of the previous stories, but still all of that is not enough.
The writer ends up stopping the current of thoughts in mind after realizing that they miss the essentials of making it a story.
The point is that the writer likes writing a lot, the act of writing itself may be more important than the output, because the joy of writing basically, occupies the writer than anything ever then closing the story well.

I am not saying to that writer stop writing, you are not a good writer that can write stories. But I say "may you please, postpone any new projects, till you have ALL the complete elements of a story"

Process has UNEXPECTDLY been terminated

2009-01-20T22:43:00.012+02:00

That's exactly what had happened, and I dun know if I've done anything wrong or if I've violated any of the rules.
It kept fading and coming back, just like a fluorescent lamp that is trying to light but it can't and suddenly everything has been gone in the darkness.
And what's puzzling me really, is that this process is still on the top of the list of the processes that are utilizing most of the memory.I can't kill it without knowing why it stopped responding, I hate ambiguities and I can't kill it while I dun know why it behaved that way.
But on the other hand... is it logical to keep it alive, and waste these memory resources?!!
Or to keep it not responding, may be it's doing something in the background that I am not aware of, and after being busy doing that job, it will resume responding to the users requests.
I am really thinking about the right decision in that issue. What is the best practice in that problem.
I wish I knew the answer

Change the Channel - Honest and kind people are around

2009-01-01T23:52:00.003+02:00

Today, I was talking with some of my friends, and the conversation went to a point when I recalled some experiences that I went through, and the same behavior was in all the people that was in these experiences , and who made it a special thing to remember.

First thing, is that once it was in the feast, and I went with my family to magic land at sixth of october, and a back bag was with me, and while playing one of the games there, I thought that I left the bag with one of my family members, but she didn't notice, and then I discovered that it's lost, I kept searching every where, asked the security and the care men, but all was in vain, as I didn't find it, and I went home very depressed and kept crying as the bag was very precious to me, it's my mother who bought it to me and that was why it's very precious, not because of what it contained, not becasue it contained a big amount of money as we were in the feast or anything, just because of who'd bought it to me. And the security men gave me their number and asked me to call next day, to check may be it'll be found. And the next day I called but I was very desparate, and I called just to do my part to the end, and to my surprise, I knew that someone found it and left his phone number so that he may be sure that I took it myself, and I was flying from happiness thanks to this honest man I got back my precious bag.

Another thing, is that once I forgot my mobile in a taxi, and simply on calling my number, the driver answered, and he got the mobile back to me at home, and refused to take anything as he considered that his duty, and he only made that so that God may bless him and his children.

Another thing is, from a few months, my uncle passed away, and in that mood, i wasn't concentrating, to the extent that I dropped my WHOLE bag, and then my wallet had a business card of one of my friends, those who found the bag called her, and gave her their number, and Icalled them and they were in a class in a near by center, they were thanawya amma students, and they got me the bag home with all the important things inside , and without getting anything in return other than appreciation and a thank you.

Really, having these people and others of the same kind make me optimistic about our society, and that el donya lessa b 7'eir :)

Turning the Page

2008-11-18T23:00:00.002+02:00

It's the time, when I'm revising what I've written in this page, what I've done in this period of my life.
First, I would like to say that it's a very special page, a page that I was looking forward to reach to, and whether I enjoyed it or not, was it as I was expecting or not, that's not the issue.
I've got very special lines in this page, that are written in my heart and my mind, to me are very unique and very special, I would be always recalling that page and always keeping it opened infront of me.
I dun like all what's written in this page though, and that's why I had to turn it and open a new blank one.
I wonder what will be written in that blank page I'm looking forward to. First thing about this page, is that it's "New", "Blank", "Will not have my old special lines" other than that I dun know anything.

I dun know what to call it ?!

2008-10-23T14:42:00.003+02:00

Stranger... may be ... Lonely may be as well... I am really not sure.

But I can feel it, and I can describe it accurately as I feel it, which is feeling as if I lost the mean of commuincation, between me and people... Yes it's that word "Disconnected"...

I may be sitting among them... but I feel myslef too far from them... I dun know the reason behind it... but as it appeared to be a recurring problem.. so I've a good reason for doubting myself... am I changed... or that is the old feeling that I was used to, and the change is that familiar feelings I had in between those days and the old ones...

I recalled something now, I've caught myself telling more than once a couple of days ago... that there is deep inside me a lot of feelings out of some problems I am currently having... but it's just me tryin not to get them to the surface... as I dun want to see them infront of me...I am trying to ignore them... but in that trial... it appears MAY BE (I am not sure).. that I've been disconnected from myself as well... upon my trial to disconnect from my problems... and that's the reason of me being disconnected as well from the others...

That fragile me ... returned back ... But it's not its time at all... how comes that I feel that fragile.. when I need all the strength...IS that because... I ACTED the role of the strong girl... at the begining of the problems...

I really dun know

All what I know is that I need to get rid of this collection of feelings

Meeting with my Old me

2008-10-22T22:58:00.002+02:00

Today I went finally to an event, that I've awaited from a long time. Long is very relative her, as will appear from my story:
I've been bloging from more than 3 years now, I wasnt't that active blogger all the time... but I like that part of me so much.

And through blogging I got to know some other Blogs, from the Blogroll of my friends, and I got attraced to "Nerro's" Blog, till I find the Topic talking about the Birth of Our "BCATC"... I dun know if I can Say "Our" aslan walla la2a... bas I love it regardless of being an active member or not...AH :D ... I forget to say that "BCATC" stands for "Book Club Around the Corner"...A group keda for Book Lovers :D I am not sure I know all the activities or not, bas What I went through since joining is Selecting a Book of the Month and read it and then discuss it by some mean or another...

It was clear that most of the members know eachother, and I was the only one ta2reban that they dun know about, so I wanted to get friends with them... and was waiting for some gathering to meet them... as I didn't have that chance before to meet my net friends... in the real life... and was anxious to that experience awy...

And ... so in the first event that I was able to attenad "Story Telling: Alice in Wonderland", and this was a suggested book to read on the group, so I was very enthusiastic to attend the event by all means, for so many reasons. Especially, that I was in the mood of I need to devote some time, to an activity that would make me happy.

AND I WENT... although eny dayman bafakar w bas... el tanfeez 3andy.. mesh dayman by7sal... but it happened.. although I was waiting for some friend to come with me, but she didn't and I went with another friend... I was so worried ... the same worry whenever anyone comes with me to anywhere, because I feel they are my hosts, and I am responsible for making them happy, or either may consouis hurts me.

Anyways... I ARRIVED... and I was so nervous, I no nobody... how will it be like, I entered the Bookstore, began inspecting all the visitors, rather than the books, and especially those who weren't alone were more vulnerable to my suspecious that they are the BCATC members.
My Friend told me .. ask... about the event... and I said no.. I'll know it myself.. nut when sometime passed... I was afraid to be late ... so I went to the Officer of the BookStore and asked her, and she told me yea "It's there in the kids area"... and I thanked her and returned to my friend.
Then we went to the Kids area, and I stood speachless, untill they welcomed me and myfriend to the event and told us that they were going to start after a while... to give some space for late people...and then when we went back to go through the books... one of the Girls followed me.. and called me by name.. I was so happy for that Initiative from her...She's one of the members, whom I added her on FB as she's sending a Confirmation msg to the event ... and we've common friends...
Finally... the Event started... I liked it soo much, I liked the people so much also, I liked there success, I loved and apprciated the scentece in which they said "Welcome to the event number 292... as we've been working from six years"... I was like.. what Successful people and Persistent about what they want... this was another group related some how to owr club... But I didn't get to know about it before... I liked the cartoon, I liked so much the girls who acted, specially ALice.

But FOCUSING ON ME... I was waiting for one of my missions which made me go to this event, which is to know the people...
I was waiting to a time in which we may be introduced to each others whether in the begining or at the end... but this didn't happen... to let me know my real self..
I may admit... that I've returned many years backward... and I lost all my communication skills...I didn't try to get to know anyone...although I was wishing to do so... but I didin't :(
I just said GoodBye, to the girl who called me by my name and left...
And that's the old version of me is coming all over again...

But anyway... I liked the experience :)

Life Time Player

2008-08-01T02:01:00.007+03:00

Today was one of the days, that I wished I was able to stop the time, really time was running, and I had a lot of stuff to do.

And While I was listening to something in my head phones, I opened the player, to pause what I was listening to, and then I thought of the Bless we've in such players (Pause, Play, Fast Forward, Play Back, Stop, Continous Play, and now poped out to my mind, the "Randomize List", as it's one of my favorite options in any audio player )

I thought what if we've the same Buttons and facilities in our life.

"Pause"

======

- How many times, I've been in rush to do something, and I wished I could stop the time?

- How many times, I've been sitting with a close friend, or a person whom I love and miss a lot, but it's "Time" to leave after a while, and I wished to pause and keep the state of us being

together?

"Play"

====

I think that's what our life is all about, each of us is playing her/ his own unique melody in life, hopefully unique, and hopefully we play it well and enjoy it, How many song U've added to your playlist, and once it's that songs turn to play, u dun feel like hearing it, I think this may resemble our wrong choices and decisions in life, but is it that easy in real life, to just drop that song and everything's ok, or we've sometimes to listen to that song, and bear our own choices in life ?

"Fast Forward"

============

If I've that option in my real life, I'd for sure, have fast forwarded all my bad times, and suffering, and jumped to the point of my happiness after that suffering and pain. But would that happiness taste the same ? I dun know.

Also, if I've that option, I wouldn't wait for anything, as I like to know the results and the consequences of actions.

Play Back

=======

I would have played back every happy moment in my life, everytime I've spent with a dear person, whom I can't have in my life anymore. But would have that prevented me from spending my time in some other sort of happiness, which may bring me even more pleasure, than my oldies ? I dun know...

(I'll playback only, not repeat the real event, I'll just live in my 3D Awaken Dream, it;s not about taking the time machine to the future or to the past, because I may be carrying some wisdom from the future, and like this I may not live the old feeling when I used to be less wise and lacking some knowledge )

Randomize list

==========

would have been one of my favorites, to break the daily routine, I am the one who loves surprises sooooooooooooooooo much, and I hate routine to the hightest extent.

So I wish that a day I go to work at night, the other I go in the morning, anything, anything that would break the routine, and being a surprises lover, I like that option in Audio players, as although I've choosen the collection and prepared the playlist, but I like alternating between moods, and not knowing "what 's coming next", I know life do that job for us sometimes, and that's why w e never ever know what's next, it never fails to surprise us, but I just wish that they are good ones.

Confidence

2008-07-22T20:55:00.003+03:00

I hate those people who are dectatores, or doesn't think about other people, and only does what they belive is right and choose what they think is suitable, even if that choice isn't only theirs, there are other people invloved that they shouldn't ignore.

And I belive that being afraid to be one of those people affects my decision making sometimes. When I am in charge of something that has many people involved, it gets very hard to compromise between them, and to get up with a decision that satisfies all the involved parties.

The Problem with me is that I OVER RESPECT the others' point of view. I should only listen, but not every thought should be taken into consideration. I should filter, but filtering itself is a decision, as I may put aside the most valid point.

Really, it;s very confusing.

But What happens is that I became a "Thoughts Collector", I begin saying, X and Y see that we must go to the right because of such and such, But A and B say that the left direction is safer.

I am not that naive person that can't distinguish or judge, but there are some situations that are very confusing. and It doesn't affect me, but affect someone else.

I still feel that I can't ignore others opinions..... does that mean that I'll be hesitent all the time and forever ?

Taking My Time Machine 10 Years Backward

2008-07-19T08:26:00.002+03:00

First thing that I want to say, is that I believed that 10 years ago, I was younger than that. But I found my self then in my Summer Vacation, finished "Third Preparatory", and moving to "First Secondary". Which implicitly meant to me at that time that I was then a grown up girl.

My simple dream then was having a nice summer vacation, staying at my Grandma as much as I can, with my cousin, playing chit chatting and staying awake till the early hours of the morning, putting the food for the birds on the balacony's "Soor", and staying still so that birds can approach.

Also my uncles weren't married yet, so they used to take us sometimes in the afternoons to the cinema, walking by"El-Korneesh", or any simple outing that cheered us then.

I remember one day in that summer vacation specefically, I was with my mother, she's buying some clothes to me, and then we returned and my brother was in his last year at college then, and it's time for his results, he said to us that he failed, and as my brother didn't like studying at all, but we beleived him, although for the sake of the truth ... he's never failed before. But then he told us that he succeeded and we were very happy then.

Back to the main aim of that post, which is ..."If someone asked me then, how would you imagine yourself in 10 years"... elly Hwa the time being now ya3ni :)

I will try to recall as much as I can. First Good thing is that I dreamt by that time to be graduated from the faculty that I was graduated in. and that's a good acheivement I belive. Regardless ba2a of that was a right choice or not.. but that's a dream that was fulfilled el 7amdu lellah.

I imagined that I would be working, but couldn't figure out any details to the job. Also, I beleived that AGAIN... I'll be a grown up girl... which appeared to me now as relative, as I dun have any specefic sense regarding my age, and to me then entering a college was a signal that I was a grown up girl.

Regarding my family, sure, they were there if I was painting a picture to me 10 years ago of the time I am in now. But, let me say that I never ever could have painted that picture with my dearest family member missing. Because simply I wasn't able to imagine my life aslan to paint a picture for it. bas el 7amdu lelalh. Also, some unexpected things happened to us, Both happy and unhappy ones.No one can "Paint the Future".

Now, after these 10 years, if I am going to take my time machine 10 years forward. I only will draw, the results of the actions that I am taking right now, nothing but that, no dreams that is based on no actions, because simply I can't control what I can have something to do with, so how can I put my assumptions about things that I have no control in, like destiny and fate.

bas as a human being :) I know I'll never be able to limit my dreams, and I'll always be hoping that God will fulfill them to me, and be confident that if God deprives me of any of those dreams, then it's for my sake, no doubt.

Bye Bye My Sweet Little Turtle

2008-07-16T00:02:00.002+03:00

It's really very difficult, to feel irresponsible towards a creature, that's very helpless and totally depending on me.
Today (14/07/2008), one of the couple of turtles that have passed their first anniversary with me from a few days, has passed away.

It's a very hard feeling. My mind is over thinking, it's a very strange feeling. I accuse myself of being careless about the turtles, and not taking it seriously.

I know it's fate, and it would have day the same day, and minute it died in. But I just can't help blaming myself.
Plus, I can't figure out how's the other turtle is feeling now, living alone in the aquarium looking for its mate, and can't imagine what may had happened to it, and how that it's never returning back :((

God Forgives me for any wrong doing I may've done regarding the poor turtles. And helps me to take care of the remaining turtle, and the new companion I am intending to get ISA.

Level Could Not Be Detected !!!

2008-06-04T01:11:00.003+03:00

There are some people in my life that confuses me soo much, and their level of intimacy cannot be detected easily, if it could ever be detected at all.

One day they are intimates, and the other day they are just a piece of ice infront of me, may be the ice melts, but in that status they're non breakable ice

I feel so reactive infront of this type of people, I just become so passive, and I hate that about myself, if they enter into their icy shell, I'll run into mine too, and if they're out in their friendly attitude, I happily open my heart to them.

I dun know whether they're aware of what they're doing, or they're behaving that way involuntary and I am just too fragile to bear that icy shell time. Also, I dun have the courage to try to get them out of their icy shell, may be that would be in vain, and I dun like to exert my emotions in vain.

What makes me bare that swing, is that I appreciate those people and they really have their role in my life that I can't deny. But how much could I bear... I dun know...

Another thing that's annoying me and that I never stop thinking about, is that I am not behaving normally, I am over thinking and putting my actions under a microscope with a very high magnification power, so as to create my fake icy shell that would shelter me apparently in the season they are inside their shells... and I HATE IT when I am not behaving with my normal flow, also, what if there was no synchronization in that icy time... may I be ruining anything without paying attention to what I am doing ?

No matter how much I try to behave simply as I am, I can rarely keep that state, while it's snowing outside, I quickly run into my fake icy shell.

What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?

2008-05-19T14:29:00.003+03:00

That's a question that's I found very interesting, while reading "Who Moved My Cheese" .

I think that being afraid is a nature that we're "Humans" created with, and is a key reason behind us being cautious in our daily life behavior.

If I am afraid to lose special ones, I'll care for them, be very cautious not to upset them.

If I am afraid to fail, I'll work harder.

If I am afraid to go to hell, I'll be less evil

But this does not mean that being afraid of something is the only motive behind all of our acts and deeds

We may say that it's a complementary motive, for example, I need to feel successful, and I don't want want to lose that feeling, so I am afraid to lose that feeling that may make me happy.

But, of course this has nothing to do with the passive fear, that may hinder us from moving some steps forward in our lives, and that's what's called "Resist to change", people are afraid that may be the new opportunity will be less comfortable then the one they have in hands, and may have it's problems that they know nothing of.

May be at times, also, we're happy with the risk we took earlier, that was the cause of a better condition now, and we wished to took that risk earlier even.

So, the point is that we must accept that life will not be going smoothly all the time. I sometimes talk to myself, ok... if that didn't work no problem, I'm just trying and figuring out my way, I may find it after a long period of time, but of course, making some wrong decisions is what give us experience in life.

What I belive too is that if I weren't afraid at times in my life, I'd have done better. Also being afraid to lose something precious to me, makes me blind to see some facts, and unable just to imagine the idea of losing it, so that makes me too weak to accept the way things may progress.

UnFoRgEtTaBlE Whens

2008-04-22T00:31:00.003+02:00

When we're interested in someone, we begin focusing on the very small details of our contact, the conversations, the minutes we're together even if we were silent. We begin recording those precious moments in our mind. and begin recalling them with their finest details and very accurately every now and then, just to retain those feelings of the real time we had together.

Even if what we recalled was not a happy memory, it's just precious enough because it connects us in a way with the people we care for.

Dream Control

2008-04-20T00:16:00.002+02:00

I wish I had one; to control what makes me happy, and mute those dreams that unfilfilling them makes me feel that bad, especiallay when I've nothing to do with fulfilling them.

The Others

2008-04-16T22:51:00.003+02:00

The Others are playing a very Important Role in our life. The Others are the people whom we care for, we fear, hate, respect, follow or avoid. But we are directed by the OTHERS, they may get the worst out of us, may let us discover the real Human we are, and complete the missing puzzle of ourselves and in times put the pieces of that puzzle in good order, to make a better picture.

The point that's annoying me is when I lose control of a relationship, I approach when the OTHERS only want the relationship to go on, and withdraw myself from their lives when they just are not showing their interest. Although the true feelings are always there, but the bond at some times very loose, and at times too tight. I am just tired of the extremes.

It's just that we can't live without the "Others"

The only Non-Renewable Love

2008-02-22T20:58:00.003+02:00

"... Love returned in the form of another man, new hopes, and new dreams"

Quoted from By the River Piedra I sat Down and Wept

When I first read that Quoted line, it stuck in my mind, and I kept thinking of it, I felt it true in most of the cases, (where man means Human whether woman or a man, in all kinds of relationships)

But then I realized, there are such special relations and special ones that are neither replaceable, nor that kind of relationship is renwable, its only 1 of its kind through all of our life

And those that hurts the most, and those that we miss the most, just we'll keep their empty place in our hearts, through the rest of our lives, recalling the minutes we enjoyed together, and seeking all the strength from those special minutes in our lives, that are gone and are never back.

All and "WhatEver"

2008-02-07T20:54:00.000+02:00

Last Tuesday, I went to the yearly "Book Fair" with my friends, although some were not interested in reading but we were all very enthusistic about going to the fair... Just Going.
There, I was eager to search for all Kinds of Books in the Ares that I like to read about, and so was my friends that are also intersted in readings.... Different Tastes, Different Interests.... Variation in our enthusiasm...
I looked at the people there, and I was like "What all these minds that are there", I say so because people were looking for kinds of books that I never touched... or even thought about reading, I felt then how different is people intersts and thinking...
Then on that thought, and on buying a set of books, I felt like "I wanna do nothin now but read 'em all"... I also know that this enthusiasm will be down shortly, for me and most of the people that went to the fair, and that the "Enthusiasm for Reading", we currently have as if it's the "Culturual Season" is soon going to end.
Because, why don't we have this sense except in that period of the year, I believe it's because, all people are doing the same thing at the same time... that's the idea "Uniting and gathering around whatever ".
This what happened last year in the African Nations Cup, the people whether were soccer lovers or not all gathered and all had the same spirit.
And many other Examples are just over there everywhere

Rain

2008-01-21T19:19:00.000+02:00

Recall your feelings before it Rains

Recall how doubtful and uncertain your steps were

and Finally, It rains... heavily

Your ears are hearing the drops falling very clearly

Your eyes are seeing those colourless dotted lines surrounding you

You were Too cautious not to fall while it's raining

Finally, the rain stopped.

Leaving the scene around u very clear

you can now see everything and clearly...

but where r those things that there were there before the rain ?

I kept looking around and looking for too long, not looking for them

I knew they went away, I felt so while it's raining

It's just I am looking and trying to live in the scene without it

Thank God that it rained .... But it rained so "HEAVILY"

Never the Same

2008-01-16T00:33:00.000+02:00

I am missing it all, it's never the same, it became just a shallow of what it used to be there before.
I can't bear missing it anymore, I can't imagine the thought of going any further.

Facts

2007-12-30T23:34:00.000+02:00

What are facts are...It's said that a fact is:

- Something that never changes.

- may be, something tangible that we can sense by our 5 senses

- Something that was assumed to be like this, and nobody, and nothing has proved its contrary

or, proved that's wrong.

But, I think (The fact is that there is no fact...), or I think there is nothing called fact.

We're never sure, intuition works on and on, all the times and in all directions, but we are never sure.

If for example, we observed what is thought a fact is, we'll find that there is nothing that does not change, a child grows or dies, love can grow or vanish, nothing is static.

Also, a belief that's believed to be right for decades, may just kept its validity, because it's not the time yet, to reveal that we're mistaken.

People died thinking that the earth is flat, just because their time on earth, was over before that Info is discovered, and they believed in the so called "FACT" that's saying that earth is flat.

We just only wish that our good meanings of life are facts, or constants, it's just a wish... no more, it may happen and it may not

External dependancy

2007-12-22T01:14:00.000+02:00

"External dependency is being dependant on an external object or a person in order to feel good or escape a bad mood."

I am afraid that I am an external dependent person, my happiness and mood is highly affected by a good deed someone does to me, or a bad deed that I am shocked with.

It's not the normal effect, but it's very deep. That's why sometimes I feel like sheltering into my own shell, not being isolated from the external environment, but just shutting down my feelings system and living.

"Colourless turtle", that was once the behaviour that I found similar to my attitude, the turtle is very self dependent, it has its own shell portable with it in everywhere available to it in every moment, the only difference is that I made this shell colourless or transparent, so that I keep on feeling with the surroundings and get out of my shell, when it's time to, and the people who worth leaving my shell are there; too close.

But, I should make my shell, a very good place, and learn how to be happy staying in it.

Complexity

2007-12-21T22:51:00.001+02:00

I feel that we 'PEOPLE', enjoy complicating our lives these days. It's not that life itself became complex, but we decided that it couldn't complete that simple as it used to be, even just 1 decade ago.

I sometimes think that people in the past had lots to do, for their daily life routine, so they hadn't enough time to complicate their lives, but we have delegated some of our daily routine tasks to the machines and dedicated that time to thinking, thinking and then "Sinking in the Over-Thinking".

Or may be we just are affected with the things around us, and so we became more complex like the machines that we have invented.

Each of us now should have a Manual, describing how they think, how they interpret things, when do you know that they are happy. when do you know that they are sad, when do you know that they need help, but they are just refusing to ask for it, and even more... they refuse to get it if it happened that you understood their complex formula, and understood that they are currently passing by a hard time.

We are making it very hard on ourselves, and our companions, just enjoying and competing "Look, How complex I am... no one can ever understands me"!!!!!!!!!

http://www.2knowmyself.com/

2007-12-19T01:35:00.000+02:00

That is a URL for a site that I spend much time STUDYING its contents with so much interest, since the day a friend of mine has told me about.

I find it's too real, it explains to me why I sometimes behave in a certain manner, and I felt happy and having a clearer interpretation for my deeds.
I generally like all the things that helps me strengthen the connection and clarifies the messages sent to me by my inner me.

Walking in the FOG

2007-12-04T00:37:00.000+02:00

I just can't figure out what's behind the fog. My mind keeps drawing the missing parts of the picture and sometimes, drawing the whole picture.

In my way in that foggy road, my pictures may not have any relation with that of the reality, I may feel the existance of things that are not there.

I sometimes wish the sun to shine, and in many other times, I fear it, it may just clear all my drawings, and put them away.

Can you take my hands and let me open my eyes on the best of the pictures that I've drawn, and tell me that they were real ? Or else, just please let me on my way, let me on my foggy road

Taming the ShReW

2007-12-02T22:50:00.000+02:00

When the shrew, is within you
when it's controlling you, leading you and force you to act in a certain manner, and think in a certain way.
The point is, in times you are aware that it's not correct to follow it, but just you can't stop yourself from following it.
It's not that you are not strong, it's just because it's un-resistable. The secret behind being un-resistable is that it's a part of you, and know very well what's gonna make you happy, understand you very well also, and convence you ... that this action is ok. It maked you just a willing less creature.
So, the solution is "Taming" that shrew, and of course taming it the sooner is the better. Becaause, by time it beomes more and more strong, making it a very hard task on you to get over it.
Especially, that you are partially with some of its dead, because it brings short term happiness, that vanishes shortly. But, remember that these short terma happiness is often followed by feelings of regression.

Tame it anyway, as either ways would lead to the same end? or , let it give you some short term happiness, better than nothing???? that's the question... my mind is with the first, and my feelings are with the ShrEw

My Rose

2007-12-01T01:24:00.000+02:00

It was just an un-noticed seed in my garden, and then It began to appear as if it's gonna turn into a rose.

I watered it, took care "as much as I can" from it, wished it to be the best Rose ever in my garden, the rose that would make me happy just by having it around, seeing it daily, and feel that's just growing up, and to enjoy its smell.

but, It appears that it's not in my garden, it's just there, I only can see it watch it, but I can't have it. It's not mine.

The Problem is, from the very beginning, I knew it isn't mine. But I was enjoying having it around and happy with that.

But it appears, that I'll be even be deprived of that.

I am gonna miss it

I can't imagine NOT having it in my life,

this Rose was giving me strength in my weakness.

I felt that there was a lot of conversations done between us, in our unspoken language, I am afraid that my messages wasn't recieved, or just the Rose wasn't interested in getting 'em

what's the truth... what's gonna happen I dun know

Lyrics that I like :)

2007-11-01T11:54:00.000+02:00

I Once made a post on the best of the Quotes that I like, and I kept on updating them whenever, a new quote touched me...
Now I felt it's the time to make another one for the best of the Lyrics that I like :)

Bryan Adams - I Finally Found Someone Lyrics

طرقت الباب حتى كل متني

ولما كل متني كلمتني

فقلت لها يا اسما عيل صبرى

فقالت يا اسماعيل صبرا

الشرح

كلّ : تعب

(متنى : ذراعي (ساعدي

و لما كلمتني : اي تكلمت معي

اسما : اسم محبوبته

(عيل : اي بمعنى كمل (اوشك على النفاذ

اسماعيل : اسمه هو

قال طرقت الباب حتى تعب ذراعي

ولما تعب ذراعي تكلمت هي معي

فقلت لها يا اسما كمل صبري

فقالت له اصبر يا اسماعيل

ليلة عيد - الأخوين رحباني
ليلة عيد ليلة عيد الليلة ليلة عيد

زينة و ناس صوت جراس عم بترن بعيد

ليلة عيد ليلة عيد الليلة ليلة عيد

صوت ولاد تياب جداد و بكرا الحب جديد

عم يتلاقوا الأصحاب

بهديي خلف الباب

في سجرة بالدار

و يدوروا ولاد صغار

و السجرة صارت عيد

و العيد اسوارة بأيد

و الأيد تعلق عالسجرة

غنيي و عناقيد

يا مغارة كلا بيوت

تلمع متل الياقوت

كيف جبتي عالدار

تلج شرايط و قمار

مين اللي جاي بعيد

عم بيرش مواعيد

يدق بواب الناس و يمشي

و الخير علينا يزيد

TrampoliNe

2007-10-31T13:53:00.000+02:00

I really feel as if I am swinging on trampoline. But neither did I choose it nor I am happy with it.

whenever I get up high and my mood shifts up, I get down with all the strength. First, I was experienced with many shocks, due to these extreme feelings that I used to have, but these days, this is not happening because I am a moody changeble character, but it happens due to some surrounding circumstances that affects me hardly and deeply.

I am very tired, I stopped reacting to any event that's happening... I got bored ... or no it's not being bored... may be because whenever I am happy... I know that this is a temp state... and whenever I am sad this also is a temp... according to the Quote that says: "This also will pass".

I know that this is life... full of ups and downs... but the point is that... this happens with a very high frequency to the extent that I don't've the time to be comforted with my happiness or to experience my sadness...so what's happening now is that I am not affected.... or let me say it accurately... I am HARDLY affected (hard for being rare, and Hard On me As well)

Tired Tired Tired
I want to get out of this trampoline...can I ? would that happen and when ?

"3ayzna nerga3 zay Zaman...."

2007-10-23T16:39:00.000+02:00

That's the song sang by Om Kalthoum...
I now feel it so much..
it's very true in the Human Relationships, it's easily affected by any change.
It happens when we meet someone that it's never the same, although the relationship is there... but if for example you meet with a less frequency... or anything... you still love and care for each others... but never as before... because simply the current circumstances differ than those that used to be before... very complicated are the Human Relationships... needs a very high maintenance... but who can afford it... it's precious feelings... but sometimes we just become careless and it's never the same

I don't want to seem pessimistic... because there are other relations that grow no matter what the circumstances are... but they are very rare or let me say that these are just exceptions.

Weird ME

2007-10-22T14:42:00.000+02:00

Why do I act like this ?
Why do I deeply want to do something and involuntary act the opposite way?
Why do I reject the act I am doing at the time of doing it... but stop still, and make nothing of what I think should be done instead ?
Why do I complicate it while it's just very easy?
Why do I think a lot ?
Why do I make it hard on myself?

Everytime I say I'll change... take it easy... just be YOU... but why at these moments I just feel a mask is sticked on my face by force... I try hardly to take it off... but I just fail to.

And when it passes, I then begin thinking and thinking and thinking... how could I make over for this... but I guess it's never the same, at least for me because I keep on judging myself for the action that SHOULD have been done... but I wasn't able to... and this dilemma never reaches to an end... plus.. making over is MADE while the original one would have been natural and nicer... :S

very weird... I know all that... but just can't help myself

What is it like ?

2007-10-01T14:08:00.000+02:00

That's was the question that I was seeking its answer the past couple of days.

now I knew

I was telling myself that I will be happy with it anyways, at least I've it, although not in the way that suddenly popped out in my mind. Really I am not upset... as I felt that it's gonna be like this, but I hoped what I faked was true.

Let's try to live the reality, and stop dreaming...so as not to weap on an un-fulfilled dream, and enjoy the current state.

I appreciate that part of my life so much, I hope I can keep it forever and even work on making it deeper and more preciuos.

Feelings Storm

2007-08-18T22:36:00.000+03:00

..............................................

Feeling Happy

2007-05-17T15:38:00.000+03:00

I don't know whether I am really feeling happy or decided to be happy :)
Anyways, today wasn't a bad day at all... although I am still in the first half of the day but my mood is very Goog thank God...
Plus, I've decided to make a deal with myself to help myself feel happy.
I decided magnifying the Good things around me and the blesses that I've and the Good deeds that people do to me.
and Ignore with all I've and put behind my back anything that would let me feel down...

Hope I can do what I've decided to make and to feel happy doing it isa :)

UnComplete Change in me

2007-05-16T11:42:00.000+03:00

After the chain of shocks that I've been experiencing from some of the closest people to me the previous period.
And after I took my time to weep and cry and everything to understand what's happening. I felt a change in me, I felt it strongly yesterday... which I am afraid to say that I know it's a very serious change that I am not very happy with it, but I think that it will protect me from being involved in any emotional shock.
The good dead is inside me, and it comes to my mind but a sound inside me comes out and say, NO, Don't give anyone any more care or anything Good, as at the end these people hurt you badly. and after a struggle inside me between the initial good intension and the second that hinders it, I end up doing a moderate action that I am not totally satisfied with, and that is much more less than the feeling that was initially inside me but the fear of being hurted by people again drives me these days.
I am not happy with that, because, I used to do the initial deeds because I enjoy doing them and enjoy giving all the care and love, I want nothing in return, but what I discovered from the practical life is that NO, I DO NEED U TO CARE FOR ME BACK and in the same level.

I want the old me back, but I am afraid that it will be hurted again, I am too fragile inside, and am not able to bear anything unexpected from the unexpected people...
Confused So much... and am not happy with the change....

How would I end up be like, I don't know...
Also, I miss these people who caused me the hurt and pain a lot as I love them, and I couldn't love them less... but I am not able to initiate the communication with them again.. why don't they start,,, don't they miss me as I do...

6 Years

2007-05-10T21:15:00.000+03:00

Miss U SOOOOOOOOO much...Loving u as always....

But missing is not that one that all people say to each other but it's a much much more deeper feeling that I can't express because u r not a part of my life but u are my whole life... the best that I had and never would have again...

I wish that once I showed u how ur true love is inside my heart and I even hope more and more that I proved to u that afterwards.

I miss even calling u and everything... I wish u know it so as to feel how u r someone that deserves nothing but all the care and the love and the respect and the best of all things.

I hope that I was able to provide u with anything useful to u and that could make u happier through the past 6 years
and I promise u ... as I stood with myself today and said that in every year in that day I should be asking myself what did I present to the DEAREST this year...

Really u are the dearest.... I loved no one as I love u ...
I hope that u know what I feel what I can't say and what I cant express

But really.... I can't bear.... el 7amdu lellah....
6 years without u is more than I can bear... and I should even bear for all the coming years of my life... hou would my feelings be like in the coming years? Never Easier....But the moments that I miss u in are increasing year after the other and so the wound in my heart will never heal but it will go deeper... but I HAD TO bear...

Human Beings RelationShips

2007-04-19T13:05:00.000+02:00

"A relationship is a sum of mutual steps to minimize the distance between two people"

This Qoute stopped me, as I found it to be very true...

but, that's the Happy path.

The Problem is that, may be at sometimes, a partie stands still, all what (s)he does is to smile and wave for the other partie, and tells her/ him how happy is (s)he for seeing that other partie coming near.

May be at other times, we have an active partner, that keeps on walking non-stop and the other partie sometimes come closer, sometimes stand still and may be even going away, increasing the distance, and thus the distance will even grow, regardless how the first partie is approaching with all what they have.

it's normal that at some point of time one of the parties, may not be able to approach, and in this case, the other partie SHOULD make up for her/ his partner's stop to keep the relation healthy. but that should be the exception and not the default case of a healthy relationship.

Start Over

2007-04-11T21:04:00.000+02:00

The last couple of days, I've been passing by a collection of strange feelings and experiences.
I felt that my inside was exposed to an earthquake.
And after thinking, thinking and thinking. For a successive complete 4 days with their days and nights.
I feel that I've learnt a lot and a lot, and I think the lessons of these experiences are unforgettable, because I woke up to look behind and find another things, that I've been doing, they are not mistakes, but they were not the best actions that could have been taken.
So, this time I am summaring what I wished I could have done other than what I already did. It's not that I am regreting what I've done or what I didn't do, but it's just clarifying to myself what I need to have in order to become what I wanna be, with myself and with the others.

There are some people around me whom I see as flags for telling me what's is right or what is wrong. I know that there is nothing absolutely right and another absolutely wrong. But in other words, I SEE THEM AS RIGHT or there deeds just convinces me and this just what matters. And So I may be taking them as models, None of these characters is exactly what I wanna be and SO, I just want to be like X in such and like Y in Such.

But I am afraid of losing my real self, I want to be MYSELF and not anyone else, I want to put my touch even in the things I like in others I need to DO IT MY WAY.

I neither want to stop still and keep on hating some of the things about myself, nor I want to enter the dilemma of taking X as a Model and losing my real me.

ANYWAYS.

I am just happy, because of the strong will I am having now in order to achieve what I want, Second because I put my priorities. Hope to fulfill what I want. Hope to reach the ME that I wanna be.

I Really want to Start Over

Exhausted....

2007-04-10T11:43:00.000+02:00

I feel very exhausted...
Unfortunately, Not Physically... but ...
I am very tired, I need to cry, but there is no place to cry, I am at work now...
Even, when I am at home, I can't cry infront of my father, or else he will be very worried about that, and I don't want to be an extra load on him. God Saved him for us.

So, I am keeping on Pretending to be ok, in front of my team mates, my friends, family.

I need my right to cry, I need my time to sit with myself, I need my time to be in the no where and the no time.

I want to stop my mind from thinking, and painting the missing parts of the picture.

Sorry for letting U pass by "The Heaviest Experience.."

2007-04-09T01:09:00.000+02:00

I am really Sorry, sorry for all what had happened, for the current situation, for the strange coincidence that happened to you. That because of me became strange, while it should have been very normal and may be a happy one.

I am afraid that I might be depriving you from something, that I myself see that you shouldn't have been deprived of.

I am very glad that I've someone caring and loving like you, may be another one in your position may have behaved differently. I am really sorry for you, and my conscious really hurts me because of you.

But, I as you know quite well, I have nothing in hand to do, even my words, you closed any opened door for me, so I became unable to talk in that subject with you clearly. Because you chose the way that carries the least amount of pain to me.

THANK U

just for being u.

Really words can't describe, my brain was shocked at the beginning, but by time I began to realize how you've sacrificed for me. I am happy because you cared for me that much but am very afraid of the thought of being the cause to deprive you from something, especially it's one of your rights.

I hope I'll be always there for you, as you are always there for me. And I hope to be one day the cause of bringing you and your kind heart all the joy and Happiness. I hope to have the chance to prove my love to you as you did, and what really affect me... is that I knew by chance... and I may've died without knowing what you have done.

Will be always there for u

Will be always caring

Will be always loving

Will be always Grateful.

How Gemini Are You?

2007-04-01T03:35:00.000+02:00

You are 67% Gemini

How Gemini Are You?

This Never Happened Before

2007-02-26T12:29:00.000+02:00

To me it's not just a song.
I am really watching myself and my reactions for about a month now, and I found myself experiencing some feelings that I've never experienced before.
I don't know whether it's a form of rejecting the current situation, or an abnormal fear of losing a precious relation, or even having it but not in the way it used to be
I know that what's happening is very normal, and may be it's happening everyday and to many people, or may be to me myself, and the relation was never weaker, on the contrary, may be with others it increased.
But I don't know why it feels so, this time.
The point is that is I am really HURTED because I am too sensitive in this relation, to the first time I feel how a "High Maintenance Person", acts like, and I don't want to let anyone be bored, I don't want to be an extra load instead of being an Understanding heart and a helping Hand, But Really I can't help it this time.
I know that I am over reacting But I can't help it :S
This relation really went very deep in a time that doesn't go with the deepness and the feelings that it touched, may be that what's made it unique.
I really feel very restless, and my feelings go Up and Down every now and then, and down means that I am hurted and not that my love curve is down or anything.
I wish I can convince my heart with the logical words that I have in mind.

And That Was The First Day there...

2006-12-19T19:56:00.000+02:00

Today, was my first day in the new company.
It's Good thank God. But ...
Also, when comparing the first day here, and in my ex-company, I mean comparing myself, I think a year and a couple of months had really added to me.
Hope that the next day would even be better.

I Love U ALL...

2006-12-14T22:53:00.000+02:00

Today, was a very remarkable day, that I will never forget, as far as I know myself. It was my last day in the first company, and the first job. I've put a fullstop and ended the first sentence in my career.

But the most important to me, is the people, as I love them a lot, I was really indirectly forced to leave my dear friends, and the friendly, loving environmet that I was enjoying a lot.

Anyway, It's life "C 'est La Vie", But ISA, we will be always connected.

I was really happy today, as I saw all the team in my Farewell, that team that is used to be here and there, at the Customer's site, finishing some tasks. But we were all gathered today, especially HH who was on a vacation and it was broken, MH who is outsourced, but to my good luck, he came today, Also TA who had training outside, came after he finished. I was happy for seeing them all Around, Although I was missing my elder brothers but they are out of the country, so it wasn't in their hand at all to come :)

Now, I have a very strange confusing feeling. My mind still not figuring out, that it's really the last day and it's over. My mind keep on saying, did a year and 3 months passed like this? did I finish my 1 month notice that quick? still can't believe .... Shall I be joining the company I've been dreaming of after only 2 more days?

And then the idea that nothing in the world is perfect jumbs into my mind... I feel that it's very true.

I wish that we will be always connected, and our relation get deeper and deeper.

You will be always with me and inside my heart :))... Love U ALL

سئمت

2006-11-24T16:35:00.000+02:00

سئمت لا أقول سئمت الحياة و لكنى سئمت حياتى
لا لن أقول بغضت الحياة و لكنى بغضت حياتى

آلعيب فى أم فى من حولى؟ و لكنى سأجزم أن العيب ليس فى وحدى
الدمع يقف حائرا فى مقلتى لائما كل من حولى جميعا
نعم فلم يعد لى حميما وما معنى الحياة إذا سرت وحيدة
--------
أنظر إلى سماؤك يا ربى و أرى الغيوم كأنها دموعا
دموعا تهطل أمطارا و سيولا بكاءا على من تراهم السماء حيارى
و أسمع صوت هواؤك يبكى من أجل كل نفس محترق من الحزن و الأسى
و استشعر الجبال قد أقسمت على أن لا تنبت زهرا لكى لا يذبل حزنا
قد خشى الجبل على الزهور و استهان الناس بالقلوب
قلوب تدمى حزنا و أسى
حزنا علي ماض قد انقضى
و أسى على حاضر يتبدد هباءا
كفى يا سماء عن البكاء و كفى غيوما فبغير نورك
لا نستطيع الحياة
و اسمحى يا جبال بأن تعيش فوق ظهرك الزهور
عسى أن تبقى زهرة تسعد قلب من قلوب الحزانى
و يا هواء صبرا فإن النفوس غدا سوف تبرد
و تلطف نسيمك برضاها
فإن الحياة زهور و أحزان
لقاءا و وداع
حبا و شقاءا
فرحا و الماّ
عجيبة هى الحياة و رغم ذلك نحياها

Feelings...Feelings and Feelings Again :'(

2006-11-19T22:27:00.000+02:00

Yesterday, was a day that I've been dreaming with, since I have been in college. The day that I go to that company and pass through the interviews successfully.

The couple of days before yesterday, I've made a lot of prayers and asked people to pray that I would be accepted and join that comapny, and what made me very sticky is that I was very upset from my current job.

Anyways, Yesterday I went to the company and went through the recruitement process, there were a lot of people there waiting to be interviewed, I was a little worried when I saw this large number, but had a faith in God that He would help me, and to my astonishment, I found myself passing from an interview to the other and when entering each I was feeling that this would be the last and I won't pass to the next till I found myself in the last one Hearing "Congrats", and took the offer.

I was veryyyyyyyy happy then, but in my way back home, I passed by my current company an remembered that these few coming days would be the End of my days in that comapny, which although I was really upset from and suffering from its management but I LOVE IT, yes I do :S, then my feelings began to go to the other extreme and became very sad for the thought of leaving the company, the people and everything there that I love deeply :'( , really deeply.

Then arriving home, I called my friend sue and told here that I've been accepted there, she was GREATLYYY affected by these news, and she ended the call immediately excusing me and telling me that she's not able to talk anymore. Then I called my friend DODO, in hope that she would be in a better status and would react in a way that may lift my mood up. But, her reaction wasn't better than that of Sue by any mean, and she kept saying, "is it sure?" and also ended the call immediately.

After these 2 phone calls that mode that began when I passed by the compay's premises became more and more stronger, but I was shy from God to be sad and cry instead of thanking him for his help and support to me, I felt a very strange feeling that I didn't experience before, I felt as if my heart was divided into 2 zones, one that is happy for what God have given me and the other is very sad for my departure.

I was in a very strange bad mood, I called a friend of us that was with us in the company but left from about 5 or 6 months and told her everything, on hearingher voice in the phone I burst into tears, at the beginig she thought that I was rejected in the interview, but when she heard the complete story from me she tried her best to calm me down, and she succeded partially, but still I wasn't ok, I sent a msg to Sue, and DODO just saying "Sorry", I couldn't tell more than that, then I recieved a call from DODO, she was partially fine at the beginig of the call, then we ended the call each of us crying.

And today at work also, it was a day full of ups and downs in our moods, but generally, it was better than I was expecting thank God.

I am really, going to miss my friends, colleagues, team, Really I am going to miss them all...I can't imagine not saluting them in the early morning and the chit chats, that we used to have through the day, praying with each others, taking the break, sitting in the balacon together, making the Nescafe, and also walking to the main street from the company every day.... I will miss that all, I will miss them deeply, I will miss even those that we are not close friends, as I am used to the combination of people, I will miss the combination, listening to that voice and hearing that laugh, seeing those intimates walking or laughing together, all that all that will be missed a lot.
I love u ALL, I am gonna miss u ALL. :'(

I still have a lot inside, but it's just that I can't complete now......

A way out............

2006-09-14T16:38:00.000+03:00

I want a way out of that place, although I like it a lot and like the people and everything, but I feel that there are somethings and some people who are insisting on making the place unbearable.

But to go out I need to have some other BETTRT place, and currenly I don't have it. And I don't know whether I'll be having it some SOON day that I will be in a better place or I got stucked with that place?

Another point is..........shall I really find a better place.....or its a mirage?????????????Are they all the same?

Unsettled
Unsatisfied
Confused
unable to do any positive step to help myself, though I have many ideas to help in my mind

Will be always missing ...

2006-09-03T10:30:00.000+03:00

The day before yesterday, we were preparing for a very happy event that was going to happen, regardless of the event itself.
I felt that this event, would have cheered, and fell the heart of my dear very much, I kept imagining how she would have been very happy, full of joy, reaping the fruits of her hard working years and all the effort that she'd exerted to take care of this plant, but unfortunately it was not her fate to witness this event, but anyways, thank God, I wish that she's sharing every joyfull moment with us and doesn't feel with us any bad moment that we pass with.

Also, ISA, by the end of this week, a wish that we all have been wishing from a long time, and kept imagining that day and every minor deatil in it, will be fulfilled ISA, I think that there are other Dears that we are be missing veryyyyyyyyy much on that day, those who will forever be missed in evey happy event and also every nin-happy one.

Please Dears, know that ISA, that you will never be missing in any event, because you are in a place that we can't exist without, you're in our hearts, in every photo that we take, your places are reserved, in every gathering we gather in, you're the first ones in.

We can never be apart from you, you're always in our hearts dearies.........miss u, though u are never missed

Rolling Back.................. :)) Hopefully

2006-08-07T15:47:00.000+03:00

"Rolling Back" this term is well known, I think especially for people who are working in the field of IT like me :D

But can we "Roll Back" that easy in our real lives, or as people say "Undo/ Ctrl+Z" our actions and the most hardest our feelings, I think that this is impossible or else live could have been much easier.

There is something else that I wish it was existing in the "Human's World", which is freezing, either to freeze on a happy moment the one is enjoying, freezing to keep with the company you like, freezing on the situation, the state of satisfaction and happiness the one's in at a certain moment.

Unrelated and unorganized thoughts that are coming into my mind, and there is much more, and I guess more important still in my mind, but still can't be translated into written lines :(((

The Happiest day in One's Life

2006-07-25T10:35:00.000+03:00

Yesterday, I went to the cinema some of my friends from work. We were a little confused between 2 films, but one of our friends was totally against one of the 2 films and supporting the other one, so we went that other one.

My mind began thinking of a sentence that was said in the film of yesterday, that I am still thinking of till the current moment, the actress was saying that everytime she was upset she sits to see the sunrise, and hear it as if saying to hear "Have hope, still you didn't live the happiest day in your life".
From then, I've been asking myself: "Did I live the best day in my life or it's still coming", who knows, we can't answer this questions unless we've lived all our age that is written to us.

I kept dreaming of this day, how would I feel, what would happen to make me extremely happy?
and another question came to my mind: "Is it better to live in average happiness or to feel that EXTREME happiness?????????"
And, if that happiest day in my life already passed? which day was it ??????????????

Oh Allah, please fulfill all my dreams

2006-07-20T11:49:00.000+03:00

yesterday I was enjoying work very much, generally starting from this week I became very happy at work because my dear friend Sue, moved her PC and began sitting beside me:)))

Suddenly at the evening my mood changed with no single reason for it to change and I became very upset, and began thinking of many things that worries me and makes me sad, and then I said to myself remember all the gifts you have from God, remember all what you have, or just remember how he saved your father to you and made the operation passes peacefully.

I made so with my mind, but internally I was still uncomfortable, and then a friend of mine came to my mind and I called her as she's travelling in a vaction and I missed her tOoOoO much, just hearing her voice on the phone saying "AlOoOoO", my mood was really changed 180 degress and I began laughing and joking with her, and there was another surprise to me which was our other friend was there too in a vacation my mind faked me and I really fealt as If I was there with them as their third companion and I enjoyed it too much

Then I began ordering my wardrobe, and I was singing many things, then all of a sudden I began Praying, asking God all what I want and not just asking but speaking and speaking loudly I was not just speaking with my my head but with my voice too, I felt relieved afterwards.

On waking up today I found an SMS from my travelling brother saying that he'd seen our mother (God Rests her Soul) giving him many cadeaux to give them to me, I felt then that it's a sign that all my wishes will be fulfilled ISA and my Prayers were heard (Ostegebat ISA)

I Came work today, to find my friends are abscent, but we phoned each others, and I am generally in a good mood I hope it stays for a long while
I hope all my prayers come true

Experience

2006-07-17T15:29:00.000+03:00

Last Saturday (15/ 07/ 2006); I passed with a very unique and strange personal experience.
I've passed some moments in which I was dead of fear and worry. Minutes after I felt relieved and began laughing.
I've seen the people and how they were very supporting to us and how caring were they.
I've felt there love and care, they were competing in helping us.

Thank you all, and before all thanks and gratitude to my dear God, who saved us and was very near and merciful to us, and for showing us what do we mean to all these people around

Something Broken :(((

2006-07-10T12:38:00.000+03:00

When you find yourself very clear and open and is telling all about yourself.And is confronted by someone who you considered yourself from the nearest people to her/him is hiding some facts from you and the most hurting is that that fact is known to other people, you get really shocked.

I don't know why I am getting all these shocks, or I am over sensetive or what. Especially, that in this case I am not able to change my mind and opinion on the character because it's really from the best characters I met ever in my life, but the case is in me, I am still not that close:((.

And that's my everlasting problem "Not THAT Close"

Till when...

2006-07-03T16:35:00.000+03:00

Till when are my feelings still speak a language, that others fails to understand.
or speak words that others just don't want to hear:'(

Bored of Myself

2006-07-03T13:55:00.000+03:00

I am bored of myself, whenever I get a step forward in social Intelligence, I get it backward again, resulting in no enhancements in my level.

When shall I be a normal person, who interacts with people in a normal way.

Is the defect in me or in people around me, I doubt that it's in people around me as for sure not all these people have the same defect. It seems that only the few close friends to me who are the superiors so that they were able in dealing with a very high maintenance people like me

Principles of Success- Becoming a Person of Integrity II

2006-06-29T14:35:00.000+03:00

2 more things that I liked in this chapter:

You can “fake it until you make It.”: because of the Law of Reversibility, if you act as if you had a particular feeling the action will generate the feeling consistent with it.
You can become a superior human being by consciously acting exactly as the kind of person that you would most like to become.

Principles of Success- Becoming a Person of Integrity I

2006-06-29T13:42:00.000+03:00

The Following is a Quote from the book:

"Napoleon Hill, in his book, The Master Key to Riches, tells about how he created an imaginary board of personal advisors made up of great figures of history. He chose people like Napoleon, Lincoln, Jesus, and Alexander the Great. Whenever he had to make a decision, he would relax deeply and then imagine that the members of his advisory council were sitting at a large table in front of him. He would then ask them what he should do to deal effectively with a particular situation. In time, they would begin to give him answers, observations, and insights that helped him to see more clearly and act more effectively."

I think that this is not a very helpful method, because WE WILL THINK, how would they react. and since there's an intervention from us, we will project our impression on them. and will put our finger print in the decision made

Principles of Success- Becoming a Person of Integrity

2006-06-29T12:54:00.000+03:00

While reading this chapter of the book, I found the following Question:

"What are your five most important values in life?"

I kept thinking for few minutes and these were the things that popped up into my mind; for some values I found that they were more expressive in Arabic, so I wrote them in Arabic

AL-Sedk: I don't just mean saying the truth, but I mean being true in your feelings, in your love, in your will and everything
Al-7ob: Love, To love everyone(who deserves), and everything around you and to have peace with yourself and love it(not too much), only to the extent you can live with. Love your country, Love your Work, and Love the atmosphere in which you are living
Being there for those who needs you and expects you beside them
Tomo7: Always work on improving everything, your relation with people around you, your career, your shape ;), relation with God, knowing to sum it up, hope and work for increasing every tiny good thing in you or you want to achieve, and get rid and move away everything you hate about yourself or your living
Al Dema3' el Kbeera: Give excuses to others, as long as you are sure of other people's feelings towards you, then never suspect any action they do , if it appears to be bad to u, listen to them and forgive them, never lose a life time's love because of a misunderstanding that you could have passed.Always look to the big picture, and remember the long history, and ignore the tiny details, take people as they are, when they do something that upsets you, remeber that they are not devils, do not remember all their bad actions, remember their good ones as well, remember when thet stood by you, remember that they bared your bad actions as well

Please, Please, Please, anyone who reads this post, write me your top 5

values, if u have more than 5 write as much as u feel

Just to Complete what I've Started

2006-06-29T12:12:00.000+03:00

From a long time, (actually not very long), I was planning to begin writing upon things that I agree or disagree with in an E-book that I was reading then that was entitled; Principles of Success.

And in hope of finishing what I've started I will resume my work in it

The Hell of taking a decision...

2006-06-27T13:14:00.000+03:00

Although I hate hesitation very much, and I don't like those hesitated people, I have the sickness oh hesitation when it comes to big decisions, or at least those that I see them big at the time of taking the decision.

But what makes a decision big? that is the question. I know that in some cases it's easy to make a U turn and change your path, but even in this case it will not be a very easy decision. I always believed that the best decision is that that can be changed easy in sense that it's flexible and doesn't have great impacts.

In some cases we say what if the decision I made was not correct? It's not a big deal I can then leave what I have choosed and return to the other alternative, but the problem is that leaving a chosen way is not always easy and the other alternative(s) is/ are not always available and waiting for u to know that they were the best for u.

I've just seen a phrase today that I feeled very much; "Life is the art of drawing.. Without an eraser. So.. be careful what u draw".
But what I think is that although we don't have an eraser but we can make the line we made wrongly a stem for a new flower.
And I comfort myself by saying that it's fate more or less, as the poet said "Kotebat 3allyna 7'ottan f mashaynaha" or "It's steps that was wrote for us so we stepped them". But then I reply to myself that this doesn't mean that we don't have to think, but we should do our best in trying to find the best choice and make the optimum decision, but we shouldn't stress ourselves if we really did our best to investigate in the correctness of the decisions we are to make, because we are human, and human may make mistakes and that's normal and we shouldn't repent as long as we did our best in thinking.
But my problem is that period of thinking in which I try to do my best :)))
And another sound inside me that is the source of my worry, when I try to comfort myselfy, it comes up and ruins all comfort: "What if u made ur life a series of wrong decisions?". A very pessimistic sound. isn't it?

I am very confused, tired and thus very sad :(((

Touched me....

2006-06-21T15:26:00.000+03:00

"What do you do when the only one that can make you stop crying, is the person who made you cry? "

That was a Quote that I found at
http://am-free.blogspot.com/ in a post called"Quotes Wise Quotes " and was really very touched by

Great Expectations

2006-06-21T11:39:00.000+03:00

I am not going to criticize Dicken's Novel.

But I am going to talk about the High Expectations that I had for some people around me. How I thought what I were to them and then was faced by the painful truth.

Is it my fault that I expect people to act the same way I feel towards them, even though I may not be showing these feelings.

I got tired from my "Great Expectations", I always expect relations to be very deep, I always expect love to be mutual, and since I love with all that I have, I expect the highest degrees of love and care which I rarely find. But thank God that I've it after all, God saves these caring people for me.

I feel tired, and I feel a very deep pain inside. Even I am wrong I know that I can't change as it's a chronic disease that I've been suffering from through out my life. I hardly find the love in the way I feel it towards the others.

Even my crush, I expected a lot and lived in my dreams which have no single root to live with or stand on. I know that's not anybody's fault but mine.

I wish I am cured from my disease,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, pray for me

16/06/2006

2006-06-18T12:15:00.000+03:00

A Surprise Birthday Party
Last Friday, which was 16/06/2006, one of my friends arranged with my sister that they are going to make me a surprise birthday party. I knew my sister was planning to do something like this but I lied on her and told her that would not make me happy and that she will make me upset instead of happy, I thought that I've convinced her.

My friend called for an outing in one of the places that we were used to going when we were still at school, or I can say that there was the only place permitted to us then. and she said that she missed this place a lot, me too was very happy with the idea and with the company.

My sister than asked me "Would u be annoyed if me, H and R joined u in the outing?" and I replied that I would be happy but please don't try to celebrate my birhday, and she said Ok.

To my astonishment my friend who was missing our Outings in the "X" place, suggested another one, I was very astonished but I said it's normal "Those are my friends"

On reaching the place we settled to I found two of my faculty friends entering the Same place. I asked them did S told u that we are coming here they smiled and didn't reply.
when I went Upstairs I found Helium Birthday Baloons, other friends, I was very surprised, all of this was arranged, and 4 days earlier, I never suspected so, all I was suspicious of that my sister may come and try to celebrate my birthday and they (my friends) don't know anything.

As my special and dear friend told me; I kept my mouth opened for about half an hour trying to understand what was happening.

It was really a very special day, very special and early birthday (20/06 shifted to 16/06) and also my other friend to whom also that Birthday was done was shifted for a complete week (23/06 shifted to 16/06). It was a very friendly company, which I stayed being with very much.

As we were in Ceramic cafe, I wasn't planning to Color anything, but I said that I must have a souvenir from that day. and I wrote all the attendees names on it.

A very special thing on that day also was the Candle of the Birthday cake, it was a flower that opens (seeing it is much more beautiful than my description).

A very special thanks to all those who were there, and those who tried to make me and my friend (H/ or Moon) happy.
U really made it just as perfect as it could be.
My Friends who really made me happy by their attendance (Mandarina, Rana, Tooty, my sister Amani, Reno, Hobaz, Moon"The other Birthday Queen", Hussien, Shaltoot, Kunoichi, Shemooo, Rain& Ahmad, Shedeed, and my very special friend and the head of the organizing comitee"Zee alien" )

Principles of Success- A Balanced Life

2006-05-20T01:29:00.000+03:00

“Only when your values and your activities are congruent do you feel happy and at peace with yourself”--- A saying that I am totally agreeing with

“The formula revolves around a concept of time management, or what you might want to call life management.”---It may have been in my mind, but the image became very clear; that with managing the time we are not utilizing our hours in an efficient way just to meet a deadline of something or to be able to do all or most of the things we wish to do, but day by day it will add up our whole life, after X year of managing our hours, weeks, months and years we will have a life that if full of many achievements not necessary achievements like winning the Nobel Prize, or being a minister or whatever people consider it a standard of success, but at least we will have been doing all the things we thought and believed they were important and put them on the highest priority and choose them from among many things to do. These achievements may be just from painting a set of tableaux that were never been to an exhibition or even seen by a great painter who stated that these paintings have some value, even if they are nothing but just a way to give their painter some joy and a way to express himself even to himself. I think that a woman or a man who well managed their life if they didn’t get the fame and didn’t pass the success standards that people have set at least they will die happy as they spent their time which is their lives in something they enjoyed doing if it was hard.

“The setting of posteriorities is often overlooked.” This was also one another point that I benefited from reading this book, as I always when the idea of managing my time comes to mind the first thing that jumps to my mind is getting a piece of paper and begin writing the things that I wish to do whether are they are a job that I have to finish or an activity that I like very much and in a bad need for it to bring joy to myself and then begin giving priorities to each and scheduling the time in which I am supposed to do these things in. But after reading the above quoted sentence I’ve discovered that I would be able to do more things that I like and find some more free hours in my day, if I observed my daily routine and on this same piece of paper I began to write the unimportant things that I do that are of no value and they are taking my time just as a kind of habit, and then stop wasting my time on them and put in that free time things that are more important or that make me more happy doing them.

“Most people are so busy rushing back and forth that they seldom take the time to think seriously about who they are and why they are doing what they are doing”

“To be successful at your job, you must work fast and efficiently and nonstop all the time you are on the payroll”. I believe that this is what a successful machine would likely be supposed to do. But Humans MUST have breaks to perform better, also they must socialize with people around them, colleagues, managers or subordinates, or else they will not be happy and that would affect negatively on their work. Employees are humans who have emotions that is not an On/Off switch they switch it off when they come to work and back on when they finish, they must have mutual sympathy and support with their mates. On the other hand when they are capable of giving, they might be over giving, even their 1 hour of work may be productive in multiple of times compared with Machine-Like Humans who work their full time and nonstop. But I am sure not saying that we are coming work just to have friends and socialize and so, but all what I say is that we must respect our Human Nature.

“When parents don’t spend a lot of time with their children individually, they send a message to their children that they are not very valuable or important”. I believe that this type of messages are not only send to children from their parents, but are sent to any of the parties of a relationship being Parent-Child, Friendship, Manager-Subordinate, Love or whatever, I believe that relationships must be maintained by giving them enough time to breath, this breath is that the one feels the care of the other, (s)he has given me a time from their precious lives, made me the first priority than any other thing they could have been doing on these moments they are sharing with me. Ignoring is a very bad feeling one feels even if the other character didn’t intend it when they lack the time to sit with each others and speak, as words are not only exchanged in a conversation, but I feel it like a wave is coming and going between the 2 spirits which is very healthy to the relation.

Principles of Success

2006-05-20T01:23:00.000+03:00

Once (from about a month) I’ve been talking with one of my friends telling her that I am very bored and I want to begin doing some new activity that I might find my self in and I discovered that in the past few days I became interested in criticizing the films and everything I watch in the TV, and then the day before yesterday (09/05/2006) I was telling her that that I began reading a book that I am nearly against most of the points of views of the writer, and she told me that it would be fine to take this book as a start to criticize the thoughts in it that I am against, and thus I will be discovering the thoughts that I am with.

And as I was very thirst to begin some writing activity, I was very enthusiastic about it and began the job from today Thursday (11/05/2006) although it was a very full day and I am very tired as it’s already 11:40 PM, but anyway I will Start, I hope I can do it well and complete the job :)

Chapters of the Book
A Balanced Life
Becoming A Person Of Integrity
Cultivating Your Self-Esteem
Empowering Others
Everyone’s A Sales Person
Gaining Visibility
Generating Energy
Leading & Motivating
Make Every Minute Count
Making The Most Of Change
Managing Your Time
Setting Priorities
The Power Of Charisma
The Power Of Positive Self Talk

Every Post ISA I will be talking on a chapter

Love

2006-05-12T23:27:00.000+03:00

Love is a very effective motivator...

Quotes that I like

2006-05-03T23:50:00.000+03:00

Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level
الحياة التي لا يعاد النظر فيها لا تستحق أن تعاش أفلاطون
ينبغي أن نضع نصب أعينينا أن مأساة الحياة لا تكمن في عدم بلوغ الهدف بل في عدم وجود هدف نسعى إلى بلوغه فليست الفاجعة في أن نموت دون أن نحقق بعضاَ من أحلامنا بل أن نفتقر إلى الأحلام .
Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened.
To meet and to part is way of life. To part and to meet again is hope of life.
The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose.
Love is like standing in wet cement , the longer you stay the harder to leave and u can never leave without leaving your marks behind.
Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
The heart is on the left but always right.
I love walking in the rain cause then no one knows im crying.
The virtue of true love is not finding the perfect person, but loving the imperfect person perfectly.
Destiny decides who you meet in life but its only your heart that can decide who gets to stay in your life.
False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the *sunshine,* but leaving us when we cross into the *shade.*
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” --- Buddha quotes (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)
I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out.And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart.And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you.But those words may forver stay in my heart-locked inside.Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.
All our lives we search for someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance the song of heartbreak and hope all the while,wondering if somewhere,somehow there is someone searching for us

A Quote I disagree with

2006-05-03T17:13:00.000+03:00

When you can't have what you want, it's time to start wanting what you have. -- Kathleen A. Sutton

First: There is nothing called "Can't have".

Second: We may try as much as we can to have what we want, but we may discover that the thing we are searching for is not what we really want or may be while passing in the road we discover something else that much worth our trials.

But we can't take this Quote as a rule or else we would remove the word "Dream" from our dictionary. and try to cope with all the things around us that we don't like

I don't know why did I stop at this Quote and began to criticize it, I may have ignored it as simple as that, but I couldn't

What's Your Fame and Fortune?

2006-05-03T01:53:00.000+03:00

You're likely to find fame and fortune in the Scientific World

Talk about inventive! You're one of those people who has a special way of seeing a problem, wrapping your head around it, and squeezing out a solution that's nothing but pure genius. So what if you never won at the science fair (but congrats if you did). The fact is, you have a mind made for experimenting. You enjoy a mental challenge and like creating — whether it's a new invention for the sake of invention or something that solves people's more immediate problems.Don't have crazy hair like Einstein? Don't know a Bunsen burner from a test tube? No sweat. Maybe you'll discover a cure for cancer. Maybe you'll be the first human to set foot on Mars. Or maybe you'll figure out how to safely make landfills evaporate.Whatever you do, with a brain like yours, you're bound for scientific greatness. So get going! Fame and fortune await! The world's still waiting for someone to create that triple-chocolate, fudge, ice cream cake with zero calories! Or shoelaces that don't fray at the ends, or headphones that automatically adjust for outside noise factors, or rainproof-breathable fleece, or...

What's Your Fame and Fortune?

Brought to you by Tickle

2006-05-03T00:43:00.000+03:00

Your Inner Child Is Naughty

Like a child, you tend to discount social rules.
It's just too much fun to break the rules!
You love trouble - and it seems that trouble loves you.
And no matter what, you refuse to grow up!

How Is Your Inner Child?

One more test from blogthings to prove one of the following; either that I don't know myself or either these tests have smthg wrong with them.

What Sign Should You Be?

2006-04-20T16:56:00.000+02:00

You Should Be An Aquarius

What's good about you: philosophical and idealistic, you are a great thinker

What's bad about you: you require a lot of space - it's hard to get close to you

In love: you're quirky and playful, but you hate to be smothered

In friendship, you're: likely to have many acquaintances and very few good friends

Your ideal job: pilot, snow boarder, or science fiction writer

Your sense of fashion: unconventional, unique outfits that turn heads

You like to pig out on: anything with garlic or unique spices

What Sign Should You Be?

What Very strange result that was very unexpected ?!!!!!!

A Message In A Bottle ...

2006-02-12T23:22:00.000+02:00

Overseas and coast to coast ... From east to west ... From south to north ... Through the waves ... Through the storms ... Struggling for life ... Then finally reach your shore ...To be held up by your own hands ... to be read by your own heart ... to let go deep within you ... till you believe it's true ...

There are a million of words that can say how bad we can feel ... A million of words that can describe how our hearts keep falling ... A million of words that can show the darkness we fear ... each cry and each tear ...A million of words that can tell how we feel the end is near ...

But I ain't gonna write them ...

All This ... The world which seem to be falling around us ... all this comes to end ... just WHEN WE BELIEVE ...
Believe what? Believe this ...
"WHAT'S INSIDE YOU IS STRONGER THAN ANY SPELL ... STRONGER THAN ANY ODD"
It's true ... each one of us have the strength inside to defeat all odds that hold us back ... any rocks that seem to keep us from going forward ... It won't help us in anyway if we closed on ourselves keeping sadness and all bad feelings to be our only companion ... What happened had happened ... And nothing we can do to prevent fate to take place ... nothing we can do to change the PAST but we can dream TOMORROW ... all we can do is to believe it's the good for us ... to look forward to what's to come ... to hope .. to wish .. to believe .. to have faith .. if we learned how to believe ... how to believe endlessly ... how when anything happens we just remember the word "Fate" even if it was the hardest thing ever ... even if we lost the most precious in our lives ... we will find happiness somehow ... when we believe that Allah will make it up for us ...We just have to BELIEVE ... Because it's our only way out ... "Dead hearts are not those ones who stopped BEATING but those ones who stopped BELIEVING" ... So ..Don't ever let go your heart ... Don't ever let go your faith ...

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

2006-02-02T23:29:00.000+02:00

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.
War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.
You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.
Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.

While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.
You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.
On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit.
You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice.

Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Always Affected

2005-07-16T12:53:00.000+03:00

There is a strange thing in me which is that I am Greatly affected by every person and i mean it every person passes by my life whether positevely or negatively, whether that person is intensionally affecting me or (s)he has nothing to do with it.

I tried a lot to analyze the reason behind it but i failed.One reason that i thought of is that either my tendency to try new things, new habits or even learn especially new things. Second is that my character(s) :P (as I am a Gemini wala fa7'r :)))) ) have lots of interests so i am attracted to those people who get things inside me that i am not aware of their existence. a Third Reason may be that these things I used to do in the pasts and they just awakned them and let them out.

Don't say that there is no problem in this. No there are great problems. First is sometimes I feel that i am immitating because the idea was not in my mind at the time of speaking, Second i feel that i am like a child who is always attracted with Colors and Strange things and that i am immature :((((
That was not the post I wished to be my First in this Blog, But it's been a long time since i decided to begin a blog and everytime i feel that is not a good openeing so this time I said i will begin to matter how bad the Openeing is